The best like no one ever was
by LordSeavar
Summary: What can I say? This is the "Gratest Pokemon Master." Mary Sues, no plot and the complete murder of the English language. Enjoy if you dare.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I know it's been done but reading and making fun of bad fanfiction is just too fun.

Here's a beauty I found, it's called "The gratest pokemon master" and it's written by xxRubyJanetxx, I think it's still being updated too if you want to read the original. It starts off just bad, but with some potential, (provided it underwent a major editing makeover) but xxRubyJanetxx or Sarah Tomson had a wonderful habit of flaming anyone who tried to help her. As a result, it quickly disintegrates into something completely unreadable and hilarious.

My comments are in **bold, **and I don't own Pokemon or "the gratest pokemon master" (thank god)

Let the sarcasm begin!

My beautifuk Pokeemon journey

**(Let us begin with an epic misspelling of "beautiful")**

AN: I started playing pokemoin last week and I noticed I was really good at it. **(Really? How could you tell?)** I beat the game in like 3 days and I like watchin pokemon on tv and love that hot guy but not the other one who is ugly faggot. So I decided to write dis sotry. BTW in dis world pokemon get to train on there 15th birthday NOT when they are 10. It is a mor realistic world where pokemon can DIE after fites (an: its soo tradic) So anyway i wrote dis story in like an hour, coz im good at typing n stuff as well as pokemon games i think it coz i have fast relixes. (**No, you are too modest.) **You will find it is lots in detail becuase im careful abot this stuff. **(Amazing.)** It is write in what is called FIRST PERSON which means Im telling the story from my eyes. **(Thank you, I never would have figured that out.)** Anyway read to see my story of pokemon!111 **(I'm scared already.)**

THE BEGINNING

I woke up and it was morning outside but not inside becuse the curtains were still closed. **(Why would that stop it being morning?)** They had pictures of cool pokemon like pikachu and staria on them and they fell to the floor. **(The curtains broke. Yay, it must be morning now!)**

I opened my eyes which weere blue like the sky and looked around exitedly. **(I wish I could exit)** Today was pokeomen day the day where one new trainer wood get to pick there first pokemon to start to be a trainer. I was 15 today so i wondered if i might be the one who was chosed to pick a pokemon. **(I wonder, god this is "exiting")**

My name is Ruby Masterball and I was excied today that I might get a pokemon. I got up and tied up my ruby hair (thats how I got my name) **(Babies don't have hair, at least not enough to decide a name) **in a sidewyas pony tail. I put on a white tank top with Red around the edges and a dragonballz picture on the front. I put on some ripped jeans and a sideways pokemon cap. I opened the door with my hands that had red nailpolish on and went down stairs.

Normally mom sits in the chair and tells you to set your clock n stuff **(So we are inside a gameboy now?)** but my mom abandoned me when I was born and my father didnt want me either so im used to no one being downstairs. **(You poor thing.)** I lived in the house on my own excpet i wished i had a pokemon to go be a trainer with.

Anyway i art some breakfast **(She threw it on the wall.) **and went outside. A boy ran up to me and said proffesor oak was waiting for me. I gasped and hurryed to the crowd outside his office coz I was late. **(Aren't you a bright one?)**

"Hey Ruby your finally here." I knew that voice. It was... Gary Oak. **(Dun, dun, dun!)** I gasped but stood my ground.. "Proffesor oak wanted to see me. I said. "Yeah but Im going to get the pokemon." **(As you can see we have already lost track of who is speaking.)**

I was sad because I wanted the pokemon to go explore the world. **(Without you.)**

Gary was wearing a blue sweater with a green necklace. I blushed coz he looked hot but i couldnt let feelings get in the way of pokemon. **(I'm sure you won't.)**

"You look hot Ruby." **(Sudden OOC moment alert!)** gary said before he went away coz The proff was coming. **(Note how the spelling and grammer suddenly shoot downhill from here.)**

"Can I have your attention pls?" **(Let us txt!)** The proff said, talking. **(He said something; we can figure out that he was talking.)** The time has come to choose one trainer who shines above all others to be the new trainer for Pallet town. **(I wonder who that might be.)** Evertyone went quiet as he read the piece of paper.

"Ruby Masterball!" Everyone gasped. I was so shocked. Gary was looking at me all mysterious. **(Myserious?... I wonder why?...)** I was getting a pokemon.

AN: was that good or what, **(To answer your question, no, it was not good.)** see how i put lots of detial in to increase the reading experience. **(And it was ammaaazzing!) **Anyway I can't wait to write the next chapter when I chose a pokemon better than all the others. **(Not a Mary Sue at all.) **Please review how much you liked it. **(Because if you don't she'll track down your stories and flame every single one of them.)**

Now this so far isn't the worst fanfiction I've ever read, it even had potential with a lot of editing and character building. But as you will see, xxRubyJanet don't need no help.

Thanks for reading

Lord Seaver signing off.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I choose you

AN: STOP FLAMING! My english teacher said this was good so fuk you dont know whAt you are talking abot. **(If your English teacher thought this was good then she doesn't know what she's talking about either.)** Ur just jealous that I can wirte better than you. **(*snort*) **IVE READ YOUR STORIES THEY SUCK ASS! I know some of the spellins wrong Im doin it on wordpad so there! **(Then get a spellchecker!)** The spelling doesnt matter its the story that counts! **(If it didn't matter then no one would be flaming you.)**

For tha people that gave me good reveiws thankx ill keep the chapters coming. **(What good reviews?)**

Any way I was so shocked that I was getting a pokemon. "Ruby please come inside." Professior oak inquired. **(Inquired: to ask a question, not make a request.)**

I walked through the crowd who was all talking abot me. **(You are so vain.)** They knew i lived in my house all alone and was good at training pokemon and touf n stuff. **(You are so touf.)** I spent a lot of time traveling through the wild all alone so I was not afrade. Anyway the house that the proff was taking me was a round house with a huge telescope thing on the roof. **(*shudder* I wonder what he needs that for...)**

I went insdie. "Wait here I ll get some pokemon to for you to chose." The proffsoroak ran away through a door which he closed loudlhy. **(Physics impossibility count: 1)**

I statred **(Invented word: 1 statred: the state of being red.) **to txt on my phone which was red with rindstones all on the top and had a ringtome like the bruno mars catch a grenade (an: OMG best song eva!)

"I'll catch a grendade your ya, throw my hand on a blade for ya, jump in front of a rain for ya" My fone stated to sing. I got a fright coz i dint know what it was. **(You are so stupid.) **Then I answred it. Then the proffssor oak came. **(Ew.)**

"I have 3 pokemon for you to choose but first you must pass a test." He said all mysterious. **(Dun dun dun)**

"OMG what the test is?" I ask. **(No Ruby, what is the test.)**

"You must prove you are worthy by capturing you pokemon. firt you must answer my question ok." porfessor oar said. **(Who is porfessor oar, I thought we were talking to Proffesor Oak?)**

I was nervous coz i dint know what the test was. **(Of course you don't he hasn't told you.)** I looked up and saw it wa raining outside which menat Gary must have gone home so no help me. **(*Sigh*, the case of the missing words.)** He looked so hot with his brown hair into his blue eyes like pools with a blue water like ocean. **(Attention span of a nat, I see.)**

I looked at the balls oif pokemon. I chose that one, charmader. "No you cant its taken." Said Oka. **(Who the heck is Oka?) **"I was sad. I wnated charmander coz it was fire type and better. "Ok I take squarter." **(Pokedex pick: Squarter, the squating pokemon, continually suffers from diaorea.)**

"Squarter is dead." Proffesor oak sadily. "it got into a fite with bulbasuar and was beat. we will bury it son." **(As Sarah later says, "I AM A GURL NUT A BOI!")**

"Thats ok i dint want squarter anyway.** (Then why did you ask for it?)** I will take bulbasur" I said happily.

"bulbasuar run away." Oak said cryin coz he was a pote and they are sensitive about stuff and write poems. **(I don't know about potes, poets on the otherhand tend to be a bit weird.)**

"WTF what pokemon i have!" i stated to yell coz ihad none. **(You are such a brat.)** "There is one moar but only the best rainer can manage it."

"I dont fukking care give to me!" **(What a lovely person you are.)**

Ok oak went and brought out a round ball. "try it." I threw the ball. Red light pooured out and made a pokemon. **(Wow! Magic!) **It was yellow body with red stripes instead of brown on the back and its tail was like RED lightnine and its cheeks were pink with different picures on them like fire and water and leafs. "it is very rare thedre isa only one **(Hence the species soon became extinct and was never mentioned in the series.) ** its name is Pikafire not pikachu." siad oka. **(Suddenly Oka appeared.)**

'I will take it." I said happy. Pikafire was happy it was making fire and watre electrictiy. **(Physics impossibility count: 2)** I gaspecd. "Ya it can do fire and water and grass and all the attacks so it can use all the TMs. Take good care of it i knew it would be perfect for you. siad oka"

Ok I went outside a nd went away from Pallet toen to start gtoward the first gym.

AN: Please review only if you like it I dont want to eaer any bashing or critizem. JUST DONT! tell me how good it is k. **(But YOU don't have any issue with bashing other people's stories...)**

**Hey guys, let me know if you want me to carry on with this commentary. I promise I won't flame if you do. From here on out this (I suppose for lack of a better word "story") disintegrates. **

**Lord Seaver out.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Believe it or not the story was comparatively good until now…**

WHAT DID I SYA ABOYT FLKAMING BICHES! **(Translation: Hi it's lovely to see you all again.)** ITS MY STORY iLL TELL IT HOW I WNAT TIS REALLY GOODX IF YOU DONT THINK SO THEN FUK YOU!11111 **(Translation: I value your honest feedback and offers of help.) **AND ANOTHER THING RUBY IS NUT A MARY SUE SHE IS A COMPLICATED PERSON WHO IS MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYPONE ELSE K!1 **(Wow, being better than everyone else is the opposite of** **Mary-sue!) **ANYWAY I GOT TO LEVEL 60 ON FIRE RED YESTERDY SO I KNOW WHat im talkign abot! **(What **_**are **_**you talking about?) **1111 Anyway here is some more sotry fofr my fans. **(Let the lies begin.)**

I wnet into the forrest outside town and a girl ran up to me. **(Suddenly a wild girl appeared!)** "OMG ruby they are throwing a party for you!"

"WTF!" i said happlily **(Says the girl who can only spk txt tlk.)**

"Ya its in the next town. " the girl ran away excited to see me coz i was already famous for pokemon training. **(You've been training for only a few hours. This is very Un-Sue-like.)** Suddenly... a Articoono appeared. I gasped. Itwas not the normal blue but rad **(Radical!) **with gold tips on its wings and a whiote head. I threw a pokeball!... **(Dot dot dot dot dot dot dot…)**

The ball stopped wiggling and it was caught!11111

I could not belive it. **(Are you really that surprised?) **Articoono was mine it was a a legend like me. **(Yep, you are a legend alright. Impressive. Your first pokemon was not only a rare Legendary, it was also Shiny)**

I went to the party. It was outside Virginin city. there were 300 people there and they wnated my autograpgs. I got dressed up in a red segin party dress with black streeks in my hair just like katy perry in Las vegas cideo. I did my hair up in a cool sideways ponytair so my hair fell into my blue eyes. I put in siver earrings that looked like fifre and did my makeup with red eyeshadow and likstick. **(NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU ARE WEARING!) **Suddenly a girl ran up to me "OMG ruby they are throwing a party for you!"

"WTF!" i said happlily **(I'm having a sudden de ja vu moment…)**

"Ya its in the next town. " the girl ran away excited to see me coz i was already famous for pokemon training. I went. I came to the party there were so many pople there. Sudden;ly i saw Gary. **(Suddenly a wild Gary appeared!) **he was lokking extremy hot and sexah with his lung **(Lung: Vital organ of the body.)** brown hair falling into his green eyes and i could tell he thoufght i was hot to.

"You look very hot ruby he said sexily." **("Always end your spoken sentences with I said" By the way "sexily" is not a word.)**

"No i dont the other girls are like hotter than me with nice bobs **(Bobs are in!) **nd everything."

"I dont like the other girls they are such fukking sluts." **(I suppose you screwed them all to be sure, eh Gary?) **Said gary in a low sexy voice that was all serioous. He was wearing a Linkin Park t-shit with ripped up jeans that were black and a **(… the mystery of the missing sentence.)**

"Do want a battle." Gary moaned **(*snort*)**

"Ok" I sighed. **(Go away dirty thoughts)**

I came outside. **(*snigger* oh stop it.) **"GO Pikafire!"

Gary threw up a ball **(vomit!)** "Go sqaurter!" **(Diarrhea attack!)**

**(Dun dun dun… the epic battle begins now!)**

Sqaurter attacke Pikafire but Pikafie doged. "USe elceticf fire!" I screamed.

PIKKKKAAAA!1111111111111

Squarter fell down dead. **(oh, that was quick.) **Gary stated to cry. "You bich you lkilled myu pokem on! he screamed and ran away. **(Gary was so upset he became OOC and lost the ability to talk properly.)**

I got $334 for winning and used it to buy some more pokeballs and potions at the tiny store. **(I thought you were supposed to be sensitive.)** There was also a clothes shop and I wnet in but the sales girl ran u[p to me and tripped and fell on her fatr face! **(Random character alert!)** "HI I'm susan forrester." said the blond bimbo slut. (SUSUAN I FUKING H8 U BITCH!) **(Ah the classic use of fiction to get even with real-life enemies.)**

"FUCK OFF I SCREAMED" **(Ruby felt the need to yell out the fact she screamed.)**

SUsan stared at me retareded and the screamed and ran away. I left the shp coz it was full of fuking nana and pink clothe andblouses and gay crap. **(You sound very fun and happy!)**

Suddenly Gary appeared. **(Again a wild Gary appeared!)**""You look very hot ruby he said sexily." **(Again Gary felt the need to state the fact he had just spoken.)** Do you want to be my grilfried?" **(You killed my only pokemon, I will grill and fry you Ruby!)**

I gasped. **(Seriously is gasping all you can do?)**

AN: besyt chapa eva! **(Chapa is not short for chapter and no it was the WORST so far.)** pls reveiw my fans ands i need names for other trainers coz youll see why in my next chapa! **(Actually she never explains why.)**

**Okay… I need some brain-bleach. And it gets worse. *Sigh* I liked Pokemon as a kid. Ruby stop butchering everything I love!  
**

**Lord Seavar out.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapa 4 **(Now we can't even spell "chapter")**

STOPE FLMAING KMY STORY! I KNOW ABOT THE SPELLING MISTKAE S K IM USING WORDPAD IT HAS NOT SPELL CHECK K! **(That's no excuse, download one.) **ANYWAY I HAD TO WRITE THEM REALLY FAST K SO THERE ARE BOND TO B SUM MISTAKES **(Why are you writing really fast?) **IM NOT ALWAYS PERFECT K! **(*Gasp* but if you're not perfect then what hope is there for the rest of us?)**  
thankx to ma fans **(?)** for da gud rewiews **(?) **ill kep em cuming!

"FUCK OFF YOU PERV!" i screamed. **(Whoa that was a sudden mood swing.)**

"B but but" He stummerd. **(Invented word alert: Stummered, dumbly stammering.) **

But i had herd enuff. "You used to be men**(well he is male)** to me when bakc in plate town." I ran away cryin. I was so fuking depressed. **( Another mood swing. Are you PMSing?)**But then I thought of Gary's sexah eyes and suddenly i wasnt mad anymore. "maybe he has changed sence trhen" i thought to myself. **(While saying her thoughts aloud.)**

Suddenly i herd a voice. "Hey Ruby whatsup gurl?" It was sAFFIRE (An: hey katie this is you!) **(Ah the sweet bonds of friendship. Let us see if Saffire is ever emntioned again.) **she was wearing a red trenchcoat with black jeans all ripped up the sides and blue eyeliner and a tight fitting boob tube that was blue and red and black. She had a blond hair with red steeks in it and clipped up in a kind of messy bun. She belted her jeans with a sparkled diamond belt like the on i had that i kept my pballs on. **(NO ONE CARES WHAT SAFFIRE IS WEARING!)**

"Oh nothing I said." sadly. **(BEAWARE! ATTACK OF THE RANDOM QUOTATION MARKS!)**

"is it Gary?" Saffire inquired. **(Yay we used inquired correctly!)**

"no... maybe..." i said all mysterious. **(Dun dun dun!)**

"OFFMG You should so go out with im!"

Suddenly a amazing dragonight appeARED wearing a red sadlle that fastened under the belly thagt was painted with a stuff like nail poilis execept it was for scales with a silvefr strap.**(All I got was a Dragonite appeared and wearing a bunch of red crap…)** Normally dragonnite is organe but this one was red with gold winges. **(…) **Then i heard a beautiful voice drift from behind draongite singing if i was your boyfriend by justin beeper. **(Move aside Bieber, make way for BEEPER!) **I was so shockde! it was Gray! **(Who is Gray?) **He got down one his knees and begged me to bew hos girlfried. **(STOP FRYING GIRLS!) **"Ruby I love you thats why i used to be mean to you back in plallet town. please be my girlfried ill die without you!?" he said hotly. **(Hotly = Angry/defensive, not "sexily")**

I was so flattered i said yes. I hopped behind him oon the dragonight and we flew somewhere over loooking **(oooooooooo) **the world bellow. **(SHOUT!) **We flew around then stopped. I got off. Gary aswell. We looke d deep into each odders eyes. **(The suspense is killing me…)** Then... we started to make out hot and heavy! **(Oh my God! What a twist!) ** we took of each odderes clothes and did it FOR THE FIRST TIME **(USE CAPS TO MAKE A POINT!) **on the ground sexily. **(*snigger* I'm thinking… VIRGIN WRITER…) **Then... we fell aslep together. **(… I'm waiting, oh they're asleep…)**

An: c wos that stupid?**(Yes.) ** an; isnt gary so sexy? **(No, your version is gay.)** anywaqy my fans till next time i chapa. cant wait!11 **(If you are waiting for fans it might be a while.)**

**Gotta love a sex scene written by a 12yo. Believe it or not she writes a worse one later on. BUT that is why it is M-rated (said Ruby) **

**Thanks for the reviews guys**

**Lord Seavar out.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**(Okay I can do this… Let's take a really deep breath…)**

AN: YOU POPLE ARE SO FUKKIN MEN! **(Well I can't speak for the other pople but I'm not fucking men. I don't bat for that team.)** IM NUT FORCIN U TO RED **(Is it just me or is this girl obsessed with the colour red?) **DIS STOY **(No no no sweetie, it's spelt SORTAY.) **SO IF YOU DONT LIKE THEN FUK OFF I DONT WANT NE MOR CRITISM! **(So you can dish it out…)** IM NOT A TROLL TROLLS ARE UGLY **(Total misunderstanding count: 1) **AND IM NOT MY MUM SAYS SO BESIDES **(Because mothers always tell the truth.)** I HAV A BF SO THERE. **(I know lots of ugly people with best friends.)** YOU R TROOLS BASTARDS! I HAT U Y EVEN BOTHR SAYN SOMETHIN IF YOUR GONG TO BE MEAN!11 **(Wow, you really can't take it…)** AND MY NAM IS SARA TOPSON NUT TARA AND NOT TROLL!11 GILBE **(You must have fun filling in forms. First Name: Sara. Last Name: Gilbe. Middle Names: Topson Nut Tara And Not Troll) **AND A NTOHER THING ZAKAR U R RONG ABOT DI STORY **(Somehow I don't think he is…) **MINE IS FUKIN WAY BETA **(Since beta comes after alpha, you may be right!) **THAN URS I HAVE 20 FReVITES U DONT! **(You don't have 20 favourites now, let alone then. Liar.)** ITS NO FAR U R OLDDER THAN ME ANYWAY! **(It doesn't make any difference hon, I think most 14yrs can write better than this, most 5yrs too…) **ANYWAY KATIE GET BACK FROM AUSTRIA 2MORO SO SHE CAN HELP MY SPELIN THEN U WIL C MINE IS BETA! **(Yes! You will be second best again!)** SO THERE U WILL I WILL FIX MA SPELLING THEN MY SOTY WILL B BETA THAN EVERYONES **(All last she admits it's second best compared with everyones!)**. ITS NUT FAIR **(I'm an utter nutter for peanut butter!) **O EXCEPT PERFECT WRITIN IM NOT A PROF WRITER IM DONG IT FOR ENGLISH. **(Good luck passing English…) **Y CANT U JUST LIK IT I LIKED URS. **(If you liked it then why did you flame? Everyone. Repeatedly.)** I HAD TO RITE RELLY QUICKERLY **(Why?) **I BET U FUKKER S WOOD WRITE BAD IF U HAD TO 2. **(That's why everyone else puts more time into their stories.) **ANY WAY MY STORY WILL B BETA THEN EVERY1S SO THERE AND ILL PROV IT. **(We're still waiting…) **DONT TELL ME TO GO DIE U GPO DIE BUSTARD! UD B SRRY IF I DIED MY MUM SAYS UR JUSTA STUPID PERSON AND I SHOND LOK AT U. **(My mummy says you are men. Male and female men.)**

**(Okay rant over, take deep breath now.)**

AN: Thanks for your help Katie wif my spelling again **(Katie should be nominated for worst spell chacker ever.) **u rock gurl. I was watching pokemon the other day and got a TON **(Love the caps!) **of inspiration so heres some moe for my fans! **(Maybe she means ceiling fans! I can imagine her to write for inanimate objects.)**

When i woke up the tv was on. **(Wow.) **"We have news that the pokemon are acting strangely and seem to be flying to the Artic in big numbers." said the newslady.

"OMG!" I sad. **(I would be sad if I could only talk in txt.) **Gary woke up then and loked at the tv. He gasped.** (Dun dun dun…)**

"This dont look good." He sad in a low voice. **(Gary talk deep and dumb.)**

"I feel it to." I sad wisely. **(Ruby and wise should never go together.) ** It was a bad feeling we both had abot it. **(Thank you for pointing that out!)**

We went to the Antartica **(Wait I thought it was the Artic. So you flew to the wrong end of the world?!) **to see what was gong on. All the pokemon were moving into this ice castle that was behind the resort we were being staying at. **(I am being writing too.) **We wen inside and got these pineapple drinks and watched the water like the one in the movie. **(Are you watching the water or a movie?)**

Suddenly I herd a voice. **(GASP!) **This old lady touched me on my shoulder. **(How dare she!) **"You have a great destiny abot u." She sadi all mytseriuos. **(You will piss a great (sorry "grate") many people off…)**

"What the beep?" **(You've been cussing the whole time, why did you sensor this one? I know it must have been a word so foul even Ruby could not utter it!)** I inquired **(Yay! Correct use of "inquired!") **but she went away then because the concert on the stage in the back was stating. Green Day walked out and stated to sing by Billy Joel Armstrung. **(Green day has a new lead singer!)**"One 21 guns lay down your arms give up the fite." He sang loudly. (An: Doesnt he look so hot in that vid with the bullets all flying." **(Uh… so you are at a concert, watching a video?)**

We got up and danced a while. Then Billy went as a girl walked on stage with a bit of paper. **(Oh my gosh, this is so "exiting!)**

I was curious what the paper was as she appraoched mike. **(You are fansinated by simple things. And who the heck is Mike?)** "Welcome all to Emerald island tonight we have a prize giving for the best trainer and it is... **(I'm on tenterhooks here!) **RUBY JANET MASTERBALL! **(No way! Oh. MY. GOD! I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!)**

I gasped. **(Do you have asthma?) **Gary was clapping. I went up and got the trophy. Pikafire was happy it was doing fire and water electricity. **(Oh look Pikafire is back.)** After ever1 wnated my autograph Gary came and said. "Ruby come quick I have a surprise for you." I wnet with him and into another room. **(This must be like the most bestest "sortay" eva!)**

SURPRISE! I was a party for me. **(It's always a party when Ruby's around!) **"I knew u were gong to win so I arranged this." He said slyly. **(You knew? HOW DID YOU SEE IT COMING?!)**

I was electric. **(Pikafire zapped you?)** He kissed me in front of everyone who clapped at how cute we looked together. We danced awhile then the old lady grapped me. **(She must be a paedophile the way she's touching you.)** "Sarah you must come quick and look outside!" **(Wait, so this IS a self-insert.)**

I ent to the widow. **(I ote this line.) ** The sky was all dark and ominious. **(Dun Dun Dun!)**

"You must sav us Ruby you are the chosen one." **(OH MY GOD!) **Said the old woman and she pulled out a flute. "You must go to Ice Mountain and sunmon Loogia with this flu. **(Only this illness will save you!) **" "Other wise we are doomed and that is why all the pokemon are coming" **(To the other side of the world!)**

"No Ruby it is to dangerous." Gary sad with tears in his green eyes. **(I thought you said he had blue eyes. The case of the magic changing eyes!)** But I ignored him.

I took the flute. I knew what to do... **(This is the most amazing sentence ever. Look carefully, it is the only one in the whole story that doesn't have a mistake. Could this be the turnaround point for Ruby? Find out next time!)**

**Sorry about the gap between chapters, been busy with a new job. Will try to update more often. **

**Lord Seavar out.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

An: Ruby you rock thankx for helping wif ma speling **(You're thanking yourself for spellchecking? Oh girl that is wrong on so many levels…) **Ill get u sumthing gud for ur bday 2morro k! **(Wow you must be pleased with yourself to get yourself a gift!) ** BTW UR STORY IS AMAZING KATIE I LUV U GURL IM PUTTING U AND SLY IN DA NEX CHAOPA K! **(*sigh*)**

ZAK MY SOTRY IS STILL BETA **(Second best!) **I RED URS AND IT MADE NO SENSE! **(Okay I went and read Zakar's story after this and guess what, it's actually good!) **BUG)EYE IS STUPID N MAKES NO SENCE **(… I can understand how you may be confused by correct spelling; it's like reading a foreign language!) **AND IS GROS PERVERT! **(She's calling him a pervert now, just you watch she'll be accusing him of rape later.)**

Y R U POPLE STILL FLAMING **(Because you SUK!) **I SAD NO MORE! **(Yay, you're happy again!) **iT ONLY MAKES U LOK STUPID NOT ME! **(It's hard to drop someone below rock-bottom.)** I AM NUT A TROLL I AM A BEATUFUL PERSON K! **(Really?)**

AND ANOFFER **(You have one fixed price offer!) **THING I AM 14 NUT 12 SO FU WRONG!1 **(See, that makes you look stupid.) **ALSO I DID NUT REVIEW MA OWN STORY **(Er, yes you did.) ** I HAV TONS OF FUKKING FANS K!1i **(That's the way to keep em!)** HAVE 50 REVIEW NOW NU SOOO STUPID FUKKERS urs sortys SUCK COMPARED WIT MINE SO THERE! **(Yep, you showed em.)**

AND IM A GURL NUT A BOI U STUPID FUKKER!1 **(?) **I DUNT NED UR HELP YOU JUS WANT 2 STEEL MA IDEAS COZ URS SUCK FUK U! **(Yes Ruby, it's all about you…)**

ZAKAR U ARE MEAN AND A FUKKING PERV MUM IS MAD of YOU! **(Define perv…) **U FUKKING SUK FUK U!111 U R STUPID N CANT RITE BASTARD! **(Well, takes one to know one.)**

U CANT COMPLAINS ABOUT SPELLING NOW COZ I USEDX SPEEL CHECK NOW! **(Me thinks you is a liar…)**

I gut on a sled with growliths pulling it along. **(Spelling is correct, however wrong words. Score 0.5)** We went to the castle mountain where the Triforce was. **(Triforce?) **The legendry bird pokemon flu **(The Ruby virus is spreading!) **over oar heads shouting at me. **(The pokemon can talk?) **I dogged a firebeam and landed in the ice. **(And she died and was gone forevermore! Oh wait…) **Then the ice started to break and I had to run away arose it. **(Arose it?)** There were big cracks in it.**(Wow.)** I jumped to the other side. **(Amazing!) **I look up. **(Gasp!) **There was the mountain and the Triforce was at the top. (see how i wrote this quackery **(You're a quack alright.) **with short sentences my English teacher taught me that. IT makes the action better it's a good tip for u) **(WE MUST SPREAD THE WORD!)**

I didn't know what do to do. **(Do to do, do to do!)** Then I had a brainstone! **(Tumor!)** I pull out a pokeball and threw it up. **(Vomit!)** The red light pored out and a pokemon was made. **(And God-Sue made the pokemon and it was good.) **Chalizard breathed fire it was happy to see me. **(I love how you invent random pokemon!) **I climbed onto its back wand **(Magic!)** we flew to where the Triforce was. Then Link was fighting Gannodorf with his blue sword. **(WAIT! This is POKEMON! Why is LINK HERE?!)** I told Charlizard to flame him (get it flamers) **(You are so clever.) **and Gannodorf died and fell into the Time thing. **(You have the best action scenes!) **LinK ran up to me soo happy. "Thank Ruby. You are truely a one with the force. You should be fit to be the Gradient of Time." **(I got nothing, except BEHOLD THE MIGHTY RUBY, COMING TO A UNIVERSE NEAR YOU!)**

I took the Trifoce and used it to break the storm and light rained down on everything. **(I'm pretty sure that's not what the Triforce is for.) **Then I played the flu the old woman give me. **(Let us spread the disease!)**

Link stated to sing with his heavenly elf voice **(Why does everyone sing?) **and the sky opened up and light pored down. The flute lifted and fell and the open broke into a tycoon and Loogia **(Pick a spelling, any spelling!) **appeared. (AN: I soo want one 4 ma game if ne1 has 1 I will trade a graydos for it) **(Limited time offer, get a new original pokemon created by Ruby!) **

"The song the song has restored my strength but it alone cannot change the angered ones." Said Lugia (c is dat spet rong?) **(No but every other word in those brackets are.) ** in my mind.

I drop my knees. **(Clunk!) **I was so tired i dint know how much longer I could fight. **(But you put up a valiant effort!) **"But What I do?" **(*Sigh* The case of the missing words strikes again.)**

Lungia said wisely. **(Lungia, the lung pokemon.) **"You must get the three stones into the Trifoce behind you and the beast of the sea will be tame. I will hall you but only you Sarah can do it." **(You used spell check, why does this still suck?)**

Link said. "I owe you my life I will help you priceless." **(Prrriiiiccceeellllleeeesssss !)**

Ash Kellen inquired. **(1: Where did he come from? 2: Who the hell is he?)** "I will help a swell. **(Swell: to enlarge) ** I will get the yellow stone of ZApados of thunder."

I gasped. **(Again?) **Ash looked exactly like Edward cullen on twilight with blond hare and yellow eyes. **(Yellow eyes sounds gross.)** He was perfect.**(Sure…)** He had arrived when he heard the poken coming here and Gary had told him coz they were brothers. **(Random information alert!)**

Link cried. "I will go get the blue stun of Articoono." **(Stun powder!)**

"And I will get the red stone of Enti. **(I think you mean Moltres)**" I said happily. We went to our places. The ice land was brutal with the three pokemon fighting hard-core. **(Dude, awesome.)**

I was sacred **(Yes we know how important you are.) **that the guys wood get hut but I could let feelings get in the ways of saving the world. I thought of Geary **(You two-timing slut) **waiting for me at home an the thought gave me strainth. **(This story is giving me strain)**

An: Will Ruby save the day? Will teamrocket spoil every thin **(Where are team rocket?)**. Who is beast of sea? Finds out nex time. (thats called a cliffhanger and it builds excrement **(No. Just no.) **and makes people red **(Wow she can change your colour! I told you she was obsessed with red!)** if you want to use my idea thats k with me) **(You didn't invent the idea of a cliff-hanger. )**DONT FLAME I DINT FORCE U TO RED IT K!1 **(Red, red everywhere!)**

**My poor brain… So this started as Pokemon but now it's Legend of Zelda. This makes perfect sense!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

This chapa is dedicating to my bf MARK **(Love the caps) **I love you so much u r so hot an sexy. C ZAK I TOLD I HAD A BF so FUK U PERVET! **(Congrats on you best "fried") **U R SO UGLY THAT IF A GURL LOKED AT U SHE WOOD SCREAM AND DIE! **(Poor guy, being insulted by a toddler)** MA STORY IS BVETA I DONT NED UR HELP K tHAT FUKKING SPELL CHECK U GAV ME BROKE MY COMPUTER **(How does that work?)** AND NOW I HAVE TO WRITE THIS AGIN RELLY FAST COZ IT WONT OPEN! **(But really, why can't you put more time into your writing?) **NE WAY WE ARE GONG TO SOCIAL TOGETER SO FUK U. **(That'll teach him.)** tHANKS TO MY BF KATIE FOR HELP WITH SPELLING AND IDEAS **(WORST SPELL CHECKER EVER!) **IF NE OF MA FANS WANT HELP WIT ENGLIGH WRITING THEN MS ME IM HAPPY TO GIVE ADVICE **(NO! She'll drag you down with her!) **MY ENGLISH TEACHER SAS IM THE BEST IN HIS CLASS. **(You must come from stupid town)** (C ZAKAR FUK U MY WRING IS GUD) **(Yeah Zakar, she can wring the decent from anything!)**

I ran all the way up to where the red stone was. **(Wow.) **It was big and round and it was red. **(Double wow!) **Link ran up to. He looked shocked. **(Indeed, WHY AM I IN A POKEMON STORY!) **It was bigger than a horse. **(Oh my god, oh my god oh my god! There were no typos in that line! Could this be the turn-around point?)** I grapped it **(*sigh* no…) **and i was pulled through time and woke up in Hyrule. **(Because Hyrule exsists in the Pokemon Universe's past.)**

"OMFG I"M HOME AGAIN?" **(MOST OCC ZELDA MOMENT EVER!)** Link said loudly quietly. **(How do you say something quietly loudly? Must be like "she sad happy.)** "Let me show you my home Sara." **(Sara? OH MY GOD WHERE IS RUBY?!)**

We wnet to the castle and the gardens and inside was the priceess Zelda. **(Wow.)**

"Beloved Zelda went missing 17 yrs ago today." Link sad sadly with tears in his green eyes. **(Triple sad Link)**

I went up to Zelda but no i thought it was Zelda and it was a stachew.**(You are so clever and observant, I think I'm falling in love.)** I gasped. **(Need an inhaler?) **Zelad **(ZELAD, The princess cross-dresser!) ** was relly pretty in a emerald grreen **(GRRRRREEEEENNNN) **dress with red lace on the front and back. She had lung copper hare like fire in the wind **(So… her hair looked like a rabbit's lung set on fire? AND IN THE WIND!) **and a relly nice body. She was thin enough to be anorexix **(Anorexia is not attractive, especially if you have flaming rabbit organ hair.)** AND SHE could be be a model. **(LOVE YOUR CAPS!)**

"U know she looks a lot like you Ruby." **(Dun dun dun! HA HA LINK THINKS YOU'RE UGLY!) **Sad Link looking at me with sadness and passion **(Triple sad Link is very passionate.)** in his blue eyes. **(WAIT! His eyes were green just a few sentences ago! NO RUBY IT IS AN IMPOSTER!)** There was so mush I blushed. **(This is so mush, I might throw up.)**

"No shes no pretty to be me." I flustered. **(Somehow I don't think you're the type…)**

When a looked up Link was standing realyl close to me. **(no.) **I could feel his chest on my arm. **(No.)** His eyes were so intense in mine **(NO!) **and I knew he loved me. **(Oh MY GOD! I did not see that coming!)** (An yestereday we were writing romance in class so this is how u do it. **(Well… I can honestly say it's not as bad as the next chapter…) **Twilight gets it perfect **(Twilight doesn't get anything perfect.) **and talks about how they feel and lok at each other. Free tip for u)**(ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY WRITER!)**

Suddenly just AS LINGK **(Who is Lingk?)** stated to kiss me a man blak cloud **(Sounds racist.) **appeared and enveloped me. It was dark and i couldn't see but I couild here him calling my nam.

Then It went away and I was tied with rops. **(Wow, he is AMAZING! He kidnapped the God-Sue and tied her up without ropes!)**

I gasped and tried to get away but they were too tight and I stopped.

"WAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!" **(Love the random gap in the evil laugh, WAHAHAHAHAH…..HAHAHAH)** Said Gannowdorf. **(An all knew villain!)**

"I have you know **(Know what?) **Ruby Janet Sara Zelda!" **(Let us change our names freely!)**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO!" **(Love the random pause!)** I creamed so loud. **(*snigger*)**

I closed my eyes an hoped sum1 wood come soooon/. **(I'm sure they will, everyone heard you cream.)**

(An this is another exampul of a cliffhanger which is god writng) **(So you confess! YOU ARE GOD!)**

**Ick I need some brain bleach… And this was one of the better written chapters…**


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPA * **(Okay she's forgotton what chapter she's up to.)**

AN; FUCK OFF FLA MERS UR JUS JEALOUS IM GETTING ALL THESE REWIEWS BECUASE MY STORY IS EPICLY BETTER THAN URS K!11 **(You story is epic, no doubt. But somehow I don't think everyone is jealous of your flaming reviews of hell.) **RUNY IS NOT A MARY SUE SHE IS A GRATE PERSON K! **(Well I've never met Runy, maybe she is a lovely person.) **HO R U TO SAY ODDERWISE3!11111 **(The evidence to contrary) ** I H8 u all! FUK U FUK FUCK FUK U! **(This sounds like how a chicken might swear, "Rooo… fuk fuk fuk fuuuuuarrrk!")**

ZAKAR U ARE A FUKKING PERV AND U TRIED TO RAPE ME **(WHAT?)** I H8 U U SUK FUK U! **(Riiiighhhtt… well according to his profile he's bed-ridden with a broken leg in hospital… The perfect disguise for a rapist.)**

KATIE UR STORAY IS ORSUM! **(Awesome with a capital O!) ** THIS IS A TRUBUTE! **(Well better than accusing her of rape…)**

I stated to cry all sad n stuff. **(As opposed to happy and delighted.)** I dint know what to do. i ran away crying and everyfing. **(Wait, how can you run away when you're tired up?)** GAnNONDORF **(Love thE RaNdOM cAPs!) **stated to laff. "HAHAHAHAHAHA" he laughed. Then he went away. **(Epic.) **

I was crying and cring so sod. **(Sod: An annoying person.)** I missed Link an ds Gary and hoped they were k. **(What is with your inability to write the word "okay?") **Then I reached into ma. **(Your what? No! Don't tell me it was your MOTHER!) **I cut my ropes wit a nife in my legs boot. **(How on earth did you reach down your boot with your hands tied?) ** I got off da chair and cut away all the ropes. **(Oh I GET IT! She forgot she wasn't tied up after all but in seeing the ropes around the chair felt bound to that position!)** Then I looked at ma surrongings. I was in a cave that was big and dark and it had teethp-like rocks danging down the roof. **(Dun dun dun…) **I followed it into the dungeons. T **(Last sentence spelt correctly, but with a left over "T" on the end.)**

Then I was outside! **(Wow! No really wow! The sentence is spelt correctly!)** I coud believe I was sure i had been abot to die. **(Oh never mind…)**

Suddenly Saffie and Nate runned up 2 me. **(Where did they come from?)** (An Katie dis is u) "Katie Wtf are u?"**(Ruby needs to know what the fuck you are Saffie?)** I askeded. **(I laugheded)**

"Hi RuBby." **(Another name, YAY!)** Saffie sad happy. **(Why is everyone in this story bipolar?)**

"OMG ho is dis?" **(Do you always talk in txt?)** I say loking at the guy. He was tall and had sexah eyes and long black hair and straight white teeth and gery eyes. He was lik 6 metres tall and relly god loking. **(Okay if I saw a guy that was 6 metres tall I'd wonder if he was God too.)**

"Did is Nate he is my husband." Saffire sad. **(I'll bet Nate is sad too.)**

"OMFG why dint u tell me?" I sad angry coz I was sad **(Right… I get sad when I'm sad.)** she had got married b4 me. **(You are such a brat.)**

"LOL!" **(People who talk in text are really annoying) **Katie sad. "Coz we arnt marred yet!" "It will be 2moro." **(Then he is not your husband yet!)**

"OMFG We must go yet you dresses!" I sad. "Ya" Saffir sad. **(Welcome to depressed town!)**

We went to that shop that salls wedding clothes and the salesguy came. **(Such riveting writing.) ** He was a sexy looking guy wit dark hair and dressed in gren and red sweater **(Like a Christmas tree!) ** and leader jacket. he looked exactly like Justin Beeber. **(Ruby knows TONS of famous people!) **"OMG i hav the perfect outfits for you!" **(You know this is perfect character for Justin Beeber)**

Katie tried on a wedding dresses that was big and white with lace oll over it. **(What's black and white and red all over?)** I tried on a bridemade dress that was red with a low cut and spit up ma leg which was long and tan from hores **(*cough* whore *cough*)** of training. And white heels. **(Wow.)**

"OMG you look amazing Ruby." Said Saffire. **(Yay! She's not sad anymore!)**

"Ya but..." I stated to cry. **(Never mind…)**

"Why Rbby?" Saffire assked/ **(Seriously it's a four letter name, how many mis-spellings can you have?)**

"Its nut fair I should be getting marred 2. **(Why is that unfair?) **I luv u gurl but that s not enuff nemore." **(I want to marry someone, anyone!)** I wept. I wanted nuthing mor than 2 b married coz thats what I alwats woshed 4. **(In chapter one your greatest wish was the pokemon to go on a journey.)**

I was sad all day even when Justin gave us da clothes and said he wood be singin at da wedding. **(I'd be sad if Justin was singing at my wedding…)** We went away. My phone rang and a talked for a while **(Wow.) **then hung up coz ma phone was ALWAYS ringing with popkle ho wnaterd to talke to me. **(Useless information number 2)** Anyway we went back to where the wedding was 2moro. **(Ruby the Time Jumper!)**

Suddenly... a bush jumped out frum behind a man and took a pic of me! **(DAMN YOU EVIL BUSH!) **

""FUCK OFF BASTARD!" **(YEAH!) **i screamed. But he just kept taking photos. Den all thses people ran up to me exitedly. **(Trying to escape this dreadful story!)**

Sum were asking me to marry them! **(There, problem solved!) **odders wanted my autogap.**(That sounds like something used in fixing cars.)** I exploded **(The End.) **and raun away and hit **(SMACK!)** in in a house and looked the door ancd put up electirc fences that wood KILL any1 ho pissed me of! **(There's going to be a lot of dead people with this human bug-zapper…)** (AN: LIKE ZAkar I fukking h8 u bastard) **(Poor guy, really what did you do to her?)**

Inside the horse **(Neigh!)** i was sad and loney and i wishe gray **(Your secret lover!) **was dere so we could b tgeter. Den i heard sum1 in da hous. "Wtf is there!" **(Txt txt everywhere!)** i shouted and took of my sowrd. **(When did you get a sword? Did you steal Link's?)**

"ITS me." Sad sum1 mysterously. **(The suspense is killing me!)**

I gasped. **(Warning to readers: Don't play a drinking game with this story.)**

It wos... Gary! **(Oh MY GOD!)**

"RUby its nut Saffire thats getting married 2mato **(mmm tomato.)** it is u and me!" He mumured. **(With an exclamation mark.)**

"OOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFGGGGGGGGGGG?! **(My thoughts exactly, hahahahahahahahahahahahaahah ahah!)**

I was so fukking happy!/ **(Yay!)**

An Wasnt dat gud? **(Let me think… eh no.)** I cant w8 4 da nex chapa wen I do da weddin! **(Groan, shoot me now…)**


	9. Chapter 9

Cahpa 9 **(Right, so she's remembered what chapter she's up to.)**

I DONT CARE WOT U SAY. IM A GOD PERSON AN WRITER **(We know you think you're God.) **1111111111**(What's with the ones?) ** FUK U ALL! IM AM SOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED OF AT U FUKK N UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! **(now now let's play nicely.) ** STOP FLAMIN MA STORY!11111 I DONTT FLAME URS **(Liar.) **LEAVE MINE ALONE IF U CANT SAY SOMETHING NICE DONT SAY IT AT ALLLLL! **(Maybe you should listen to your own advice.) **

I witre FAST i bet U FUKKEZRS Cant SCREW U ! I WOTE DIS IN LIKE 20 MINS BET U CANT! **(Honey it takes some skill to write like this.)**

fINE U MITE NOT HAVe RAPE ME3 zAK BUT U WERE THINKIN ABOT IT I BET! **(Yeah… I'm sure it was right up there in his to do list.) ** Im NUt a LIAR KKKKKKKKKK! **(Says the liar.) ** MY MUM IS MAD AT ME COZ O U BATSARD! **(Okay, I think if he raped you then your mother would NOT be mad at you.)**

NEway thankx to ma fans for da god reviews **(Your imaginary god friends.) **

The hall was dun up reall pretty and nice for da wedding. **(Wow.) **I had planned it all my lif and it was perfect. iT WAS IN DA GARDEN LIKE **(Do you have Turrets?) ** da one in town wit white a nd red streamers and flowers like roses and daffodils everwhere. Saffire did da hair so it was all up and red and gold streamers in it. **(Tasteful, kinda like a Christmas tree.)** I put on the weddin dress with was white with lace all over it and a plunging neckline and a slipt **(Invented word alert! Slipt, a slit that may slip.)** up my thigh which wzas long and tan from hours of training. **(? What training?) **I also put on a necklace which was gold and silver with a pokeball pendant on it. **(Oh my god, there were no typos in that sentence!)** I also put on white high heel pumps wich **(*sigh*) **were shiny leather looking and were white and strappy. (pms me if you want da pic) **(Oh yes I would like, totally like, luuurrrvee to like, see them!)** I aslo put on some makeup like chocolate **(Mmmm) **eyeliner which brought out my starling blue **(Starling blue = blue bird!)** ice eyes and blue eye shadow blended into my palid shin **(No Ruby, silly, makeup goes on your face.) **. I also put on some red lipstick and eyeliner.

"OMG you look very unprepossesing" **(Let us txt then use BIG words to sound smart!) **sad Saffie. **(Poor sad Saffie)** (AN thanks for da englishh book Katie c how Im using it for this stpory) **(I'm under the impression that this book falls along the lines of "A is for Apple.") **

"Ya." I say looking at myself in da mirror. Safire gav me a bandle **(Invented word alert! Bandle, a cross between a band and a bundle.) **of flowers that were red and whote then put on her dress **(Up until this point she had been naked.) **(she was gong to be my honor of maid) **(Every wedding needs an honor of maid!) **She was wearing a red and crimson dress that was covered in seekqins and spakled =like rubys **(Me thinks you love your name.) ** in da sun. and red heeels and a red flower in her blond hare. **(Everyone owns rabbits!) **She llooked very hot and unpreposessing. **(And there's that big word again!)**

Anyway we put on our makeup **(What? More?) **and then got in a limbo **(Limbo: lost, not to be confused with limo) **and drove to where the wedding was. We got there. **(Wow.) **

Aceswild13 was dere, **(Hmm, another fanfiction author. Is she planning on thanking him for his kind offers of help. Surely yes.) **he looked hot and tall **(Okay, he's hot…) **and i cold **(No he's cold.) **tell he thouft i was hot 2. **(How could you tell?) ** He was sooo jealous coz i knew he was in luove wit me **(Uh right… despite what your brain might be telling you, really not everyone is in love with you…) **but he dint hav a chance coz hed ben men **(He's male, he can't help but be a man!)** to me b4. Anyway I was gong to marry Gray. **(That it'll teach him!) **

Zakar was dere 2. **(Another author, who's expecting a warm thank you?)** He looked so retarded and stupid zand he was ugle and drooling like a baby and he was in nappies coz he's soo stoopid. **(Your ability to insult is amazing, exactly like my 5yr brother, I'm sure you two would hit it off.)** "RUBY Ur stopid and cant rite IM TELLN ur Muther!" he spelt wrongf! **(Okay, to you Ruby, what exactly counts as incorrect spelling?)** I took of my gun and shot him a bazillon **(Not once, not twice, A BAZILLION TIMES!) **times then he looked at me all retarded and run away crying anf fell down DEAD! **(YEAH! YOU SHOWED HIM GOOD!)**  
THEN Chzalizard runnede out and ATE him so he was just a blood splat on da grund. **(Seriously, how old are you?) **

Ever1 laffed so hARD!1 **(AT YOUR TERRIBLE WRITING!) **Then the weddin musik begun. I walked down the island nervously. **(It was a tiny island.) ** But I Gary **(Broken sentence alert!) **looked so happy and sexah that i stopped thinking. **(How could you tell? And did you ever start again?)**

We got marred **(You're marring everything remotely cannon.) **by Mew who proclaim as married and we kissed in front of everyone. everyone1 clap and cheer even Ash and Link And saffire( who wood be marred 2moro) **(So everyone is happy except for one dead Zakar and one lovelorn AcesWild13)**. coz we looked so cute together.

Anyway we wdent on a plane to our honeymoon on the island like tha 1 in Breaking Dawn. **(How original!) **AND we HAD SEX! **(GOAL!) **(c that is y it is Mrated stupid fukker) **(The word "sex" is not for use by little children. Ruby is clearly one grown-up lady! I love how she sweet talks her readers.)**

Then we fell asleep. **(Wow.) **


	10. Chapter 10

**Alrighty then, I'm up to chapter 10 of this… shall we say stor- No I can't do it… The dreadful thing, (yeah that's better) Now a little warning. This chapter has the rating "raisin" because… well I don't know… It does however, contain THE WORST sex scene I have ever had the misfortune of allowing my eyes to fall upon, even worse than Imma Wiserd's. **

***Shudder* You've been warned. Don't blame me if you have a stroke.**

**Oh and thank you to all those who corrected me. People love it when they are corrected.**

CHapa 10

WARNIN THIS CHAPA IS RATE RAISIN **(Excuse me miss but what exactly is "rate raisin"?) **DONT FLAME ME IF U ARE 2 STUPID TO LIKE DIS STORY AND AR OFFENCED BY IT. **(Okay we won't flame you if we are too stupid to like this story, however most of us are clever enough to hate this story. But not me honey, I love you. *snort*)**

BTW da playlist for dis chapa is justin beeper if i wos ur boyfriend and one dierection got that one thing. **(Right… don't know who they are…)** START PLAYING NOW. **(Don't tell me what to do.)**

WE WOKE up. **(LOUDLY!)**

"OMG Rubby you r amazing!" gary cried. **(Rubby is a "grate" nickname!) **

"really?" I inquired sweetlyt. **(*sings* The devil wears the shiniest shoes, that's what they say.)**

"Ya." He said sexily. **(Sexily is another "grate" word.)**

The dragonite made a soft loud noise that made gafry **(Who is Gafry, just how many men did you sleep with?)** jump but nut me coz im nut afraid of pokemone. **(You are so brave.) **The dregonite laffed at him but i told it no in case it hut his feelings. **(And kind!)**

"Oh yea i got this dragonnite for you rubby. I love you so much." Gary sad shyly. **(He's sad because he has been forced into marriage to you. His affection is a sad case of Stockholm syndrome.)**

I was flattened. **(SPLAT!)** I put the pokemon into my ball and on my belt. I got dressed in a cool red tank top that was all ripped like claws and AND low cut shirt and long shorts that showed off my legs which wrere long and tAN FROM lots of trainieng and i was naturally skinny anyway. **(Wow.)**

Gary was still naked and stuff. He had a really big boy thing **(*snigger*) **and a six pack **(Shout me a beer friend!)** and big bisects. He looked axactly like the Peteer on Hunger Games "Maybe we shoudl just saty lik this he said lauffing." **(Gary felt the need to state that he was laughing to try to bury his fear and trauma) **"I LIKied looking at him but dint want odder gurls to see him. **(And you call Zakar a pervert.)** "No ill but u sum new clothes" **(Because you are my bitch.)**

"Ya, we can go shopn together lik husband and wife." **(Meaning he would sit sadly and bored in the husbands chair while his wife tried on a gazillion dresses and asked the dangerous question "Does this make me look fat?")** He laffed, happyiliy. **(Crying on the inside.)**

"Yea! I sad" "But first I hav a surprise for u." **(No, please no!)** I took off all my clothes and I cold **(That's because you are naked outside silly girl.) **c that hes was so turned on. **(… I'm not sure if I want to know how you figured that out…)**

We stated to make out hot and heavy and he ran up an down my body. **(Trying to trample you!)** Then we lay down on da sand lik in da movie. **(What movie?) **Gary climbed on top of me and put his had on in my down there place **(His what and where?!) **and we sat dere for a while. **(You could be a porn star! Let us just sit and look at each other naked and cold.) **(C ZAKAR FUK U I NO WOT IM DOING IM NUT A VEGAN!) **(How dare he accuse you of eating animal products. I would be outraged, if that had been true. And by the way, from what I gather from the poor guy's reviews, his calling you a VIRGIN does not count as him trying to rape you.)** Then we had a orgasim and we stopped and got dresed. **(Oh my god, that was so hot!)**

Gary lokked happy. **(Because it was over!) **"i know of a grate shop in cerulin city that has aawesum clothes." **(Like, omg, let's like, totally omging go there!)**

"Ya." I sAid happiley. **(Yay you are happy again!)** We skipped to the big city **(Wow you are really happy!)** which was by the sea and had a gym that had a leader caused misty ho had water pokemon but she was no match for me in the game so I bet her and got all her money and killed her pokemon. **(… You're a psychopath…) **

I tired **(Well you did just have… I don't know what that was…)** on a red jacket with blue zips all over it and leather pants wih rips at the kness and white heals. "OMG you look amazing Ruby." Said gary who had just put on aa leather jaket and belts all over it and black jeanss with flames aup the sides. **(… I don't care…) **

We wentr for a walk and saw Ash and Link who liked our outfits then went away. **(Wow.) **They seemed sad for some raison but I was 2 fukking happy to care. **(…bitch…)**

Suddenly the ground exspoded **(gasp!) **and the dust went into my eyeas and went i wok up gary was gone and a nite flu **(The Bird flu is back!) **on da grnd. I pick it up and gasped. **(Gasp!) **

gray has ben kinaped **(Dun dun dun!)** if you want ti c him agan then u will go to to the lake in the corner of da map. Brok...

I gasped! **(OH MY GOD! THIS WRITING IS INCREDABLE!) **

**Okay… was that even a sex scene? Maybe I've been doing it wrong all this time… **

**Oh god, I hope not.**

**Lord Seavar out**


	11. Chapter 11

**How deep does this rabbit hole go? **

**Do I even want to know?**

**Ruby's threatened to kill me so,**

**Here's part 11 of the show!**

C11

MARK! U FUKING SUK I H SLUT FUKKING U SO MUCH! **(What, did he offer some advice?)** I WOSH U WOOD CRAWL IN HOLEW AND DIE BICH! **(Ouch.) **I THOUGHT U LIKED ME U SAD URSELF I HATE U! LAURA TOLD ME U JUST NEDDED A DATE 4 DA SOCIAL AND U WOOD DITCH ME AFTER WELL GUESS WHAT I DITCH U! **(He's your boyfriend? And you're ditching him? Why?) **AND GUESS WOT EVER1 HATES U NOW U ARE SUCH A FUKKING LOSER! I HATE U Ive ALWAYS HATED U. **(Then why did you go out with him?) **UR FRIEND S LIKE ME BUT I STILL HATE U AND I NO U STILL LOV ME BUT PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAESSS SSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!1 **(YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!) ** U MAKE ME TOUCH UR HANDS 4 STUPID RAISINS! **(How dare he try to share his raisins!) **U R SOOO UGLE AND FAT ID RATHER DATE SCOTT WILSON **(Ouch.) **THAN OR A DEAD RAT THAN U! **(Double ouch.) **I AM NUT JEALSOU I HAT U MORE THAN ANYTHIN IN THIS DAMN WORLD! FUKKIN FUK U FORVERq!11 **(You totally showed him babe, now that you're not seeing anyone, would you… maybe be interested…)**

Ruby took ou her gun and shooted da loser MARK and gazillion times until he was crying and dead! AND DEN SHE CUT HIM INTO TINY PIECES AND ATE DEM! **(Fuck, forget I said anything!)**

Anyway my English teach told me u only fink Ruby is a Mary Suet coz u don no her past lik I do so this chapa is the stroty of her passt so to build yup her grate person.'**(But she is already perfect Rubby!)** Dis is called char building which is something u all ned 2 do. **(In real life too maybe… just a suggestion…)**

Ruby was 5 yrs ol d when her dad abadoned her to her muther who got relly depressed and stated to drink all the time (she was a n alcholik) then abandoned her 2. **(I'm actually crying, this is so tragic) **Ruby then had to live on her own in da house all by herself. **(At five years old. SUPER BABY!)** She had to hunt 4 her owned food **(She owned, she just had to find where it was kept. I do this in my flat heaps too.) **coz there was none left in da house. **(That happens to me heaps too. OH MY GOD SHE IS SO RELATABLE!) **She got real good at it so ever1 new she was relly tough an dint mess with her. **(Nobody messes with da Ruby!)**

Dis was when Gary stated to crush on her. **(That's it, crush her!) **One day he saw her walking in da forrest outside her house just back frum a hunt. gary was watching her, ameyerly. **(?) **Her clothes had cool rips in dem frum branches and she had killed a deeer pokemon for foood. **(You have disturbingly violent tendencies…) **Her hair was tosssled back and red like a copper. She was the most beauftul gurl he had ever seen. **(But of course she is SHE IS RUBY JANET SARA TOMSON!) **"Sum day im gong to marry that gurl?" Gary thought quietly to himself. **(Questioningly and out loud as poor Gary had difficulty in knowing whether or not he had thought something or spoken it.)**

Anyway Ash saw her 2 and admired her beaufy. **(INVENTED WORD ALERT! Beaufy: a beefy beauty.)** But he was too busy with his pokemon to think about it odderwise he wood b 2 sad. **(And we wouldn't want anyone to be sad now would we?)**

Anyway Ruby got her deer back and cooked it on a fire she made by rubbing too stickers 2gether. **(Wow, she can not only make a fire, she can make it with STICKERS!) **She wanted nutheing more than too train pokemon and go to da league one day but not today coz **(… because what?... I needs must know the answer!)**

Nam. Ruby Janet Masserbalt **(Seriously, how many times can we misspell your name?)**

Age. 15yors **(And what's with the random list, is writing too hard now?)**

Bday. 3th May 1993

height same as me **(Not a Mary Sue at all.)**

weight 33kgs **(Okay, either you are freakishly undersized for a 15yr, or you are a walking skeleton that disappears like a sheet of paper when you turn sideways.)**

hair col is red **(Wow.)**

fav color is red **(I did NOT SEE THAT COMING!)**

bf Gary **(Getting shorter and shorter.)**

fav num 3 **(Wow, I can die in peace knowing that.)**

**OH MY GOD THAT WAS THE BEST CHAPTER EVER! I AM SO "EXITED" FOR THE NEXT ONE AND MAYBE I'M WRITING IN CAPS BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP! HELP ME! I'VE CAUGHT THE RUBYITIS!**

**LORD SEAVAR OUT!**


	12. Chapter 12

**And now the chapter most requested…**

**CHABFPA 12!**

Chabfpa 12

FUK OF FLAMERS I HAD TO WRITE DIS QUICKERLY. **(Again, why, is your life so important that you cannot grace us the true depth of your writing ability?)** UR ALL JUST FUKKING JEALOUS COZ EVER1 LOVES ME AN HATES U STUPIDHEADS! **(Who loves you? Okay maybe I do a little.)**

i HAVE OVA 70 REWIEVS NOW SO FUK ALL DIE BICHES!1 **(Now now let's play nicely.)**

MINIPEOPLE U ARE THE STUPIDIST FUKKER EVA!111111111111 **(Ouch. I bet that showed him. I'll bet he can't ever look himself in the mirror with that stunning insult. Amazing!)**

i FOVGIVE U 4 BEN MEAN ACESWILD13 **(Aww, that's nice.) **COZ I NO U R JUST SOOO IN LOV WITH ME. **(WHAT! How dare he!) **BUT UR JUST JEALOUS IM 2 GUD 4 U! **(Yeah… you hit the nail on the head there…) **JUST ADMIT THE RASIN **(You love raisins!) **U HAV BEEN MEAN IS COZ U R IN LOV WITH ME AND THAT IM A BETA SWRITER THAN U! **(Yeah! Just admit that her writing is second best and you love how she screams at you and refuses your help… Seriously man I read your reviews to her and you have the patience of a saint!) **

i WILL KILL ALL FLAMERS U DONT NO TRU TALENT WHEN U SEE IT! **(That may be true, they do however, know true crap when they see it.) **TELL ME WERE U LIV SO I CAN KILL U AND RITE U BAD REVITES! **(That'll make em tell you sweetheart, you are so clever!)** COWARDS USE UR REAL NEMES! **(Yeah, like me, Lord Seavar, or like like Ruby/Sarah!)**

OMG KATIE UR STORY IS ANIMAZING **(Animazing: Like an animal wrote it.) ** BUT GARY IS MINE AND STAY AWAY FROM MA BF JUSTIN I NO U LIKE HIM SO FUCK OFF! **(Oh, you have a new boyfriend. That was very quick, but I suppose you ARE very desirable.)**

ZAKAR CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE BUSTARD! **(Yeah, let's kill the poor guy some more! How dare he offer to help you!)**

I AM SOO FUKKING ANGRY RITE NOW DONT U DARE FLAME ME! **(… How do you know when you are angry?)**

I bust into tires. **(Just like that Call of Duty cheat!) **Ash stsed to conform me sexily. **(He moulded top your shape just like everyone in your world!)** ( I was k with it coz i knew him growing up an he wos ma best firnd execpt for katie i love u gurl k) **(That's good to know.)** I dint noticed the sun go away and the day becaome night and it was dark and stars were out and a full moon that looked like a siver round ball in da sky. **(You are so clever.) **We were in a forset. **(Wow.)** I was sacred in case sum1 might b ou dere. **(Yes, sacred, we all know how SPECIAL you are.) **

i cryed and Crryed until tears ran down my feces **(no, just no.)** like in the movie. **(I hope I never see that movie.) **Then i decided i had to save him at any cost so i went to where gray was. **(That was an amazing decision!)** I got there. **(Wow.) **The ugly fukker pedofile Broke was dere so was team rockzit. They laffed at me."WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHVGAHAHAHAV DHDJJAA!

I put up my middle finger **(Badass!) **a nd pulled out my gun **(Double badass!) **witch was a red one with two bullets in it and i KILLLED ALL THE MOTHERFUKKERS! **(Triple badass, you even managed to kill an army with two bullets! Radical!) **

Minipeople ran out all redarded and stupid. **(I'll bet he did!) **She begged **(Wait… is Mini People a guy or a girl?)** me to tech him how to write **(Yeah because Mini People wants to BE YOU!) **but i just laffed and KILLED HER! **(Well that showed her.)** (AN YOU GAVE ME A FAKE NJUMBER U COWARD!) **(Could you blame him? Or maybe you misspelled the number he gave you.) **

BRook runned up to me and shooted at me **(DUCK RUBY!) **"NOOO we NEVA SHOULD HAVE TRIED TO STOP U RUBY! U R TOO GUD IN EVERYway! **(Wow, he totally gets it!)**

HE SHOT out a ugly rock pokemon that runned away coz it knew i colfd kill it! **(I'd run away from you too sweetheart.)**

GRunt came and battled me but i bet him easy. **(GAMBLING! COME ONE, COME ALL!)** I laffed sarcastikally. **(Love your spelling) ** BUT THEN HE TURNED INTO A BOOB! **(*splutter* It took me about ten minutes to stop laughing here, there's Coke on my keyboard and my chair is broken. HOW FUCKING RANDOM!)**

I gasped.** (Holy hell HE TURNED INTO A BOOB I'D BE DOING MORE THAN GASPING!)** IT WAS A big BOOM **(The boob exploded?) **made frum TONS of explosives and it had a timer in red letters that said 0.15mins! **(?)**

We runned outside just as the bomb went off. **(So… it was a booming boob bomb?)** it was sooo loud. **(Well most bombs are.)**

At furst i was happy coz i was alive. **(Yay!) **Then I remembered that Gary had been inside. **(Oh my god.)**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed sexily. **(Even in the midst of agonizing grief, Ruby remains sexy.)**

Gary was dead. I couldn't fukking believe it. I had only just marred him. **(Girl you did a lot more than just mar him…)** I missed him I loved him (An we are writn tragity in school rite now) **(A sexy tragity.)**

Three days later...

I was stilll really sad but it was time to move on. **(Wow, you just lost the love of your life. Most people take a hell of a lot longer to get over it, sometimes years. Not three days… but then given your attention span…)** Then I got a litter in da mail. **(Puppies or kittens?)**

Dear Ruby, you are a window now **(Yep, I can see right through you, hahahaha *smacks self hard in the forehead*)** and need to come to the pokemon league. We will tell u why when you get dere. **(Ooo a mystery) **

I was so sad as I walked to da pokemon league. I coldnt belive he was gone. **(That's nice.)**

An dis chapa was so sad it made it cry so im not mad ne more. **(…That's nice.) **Anyway let me know how muck you lik it. **(But what if we don't…) **

**Okay I wonder what qualifies people to be killed by Ruby. Am I in the firing line (Dun dun dun!) If Zakar, or AcesWild13 or Mini People is reading this I would be very interested to hear what you did to piss this poor poor girl off ;)**

**Lord Seavar out **


	13. Chapter 13

**THEN HE TURNED INTO A BOOB! **

**Oh that still cracks me up. I'm considering putting that on a t-shirt.**

**Anyway let us delve into this rabbit hole once more. (Brain trying to escape!)**

Chapter 13 **(Hmm, spelt correctly.)**

HOW DARE U FLAME ME U R STUPID AND ARE JEALOUS COZ IM SOOOO MUCH BETA THAN U! **(Yes, they are so jealous your writing is second best to theirs and your reviews are the flaming boards of hell.) **

An: C if dis is gud motherfukkers!1111111 **(Look kids, this is how to make friends.)**

My heart felt heavy, a swollen ache inside my chest. **(?) **The Pokemon League had called me into its help centre. They had seen that Gary's Pokegear had been wiped, its signal ceased. They had known we had been married. They knew I was widowed. **(Don't you mean window?)**

I took a breath, holding it for a moment, then released it. But it didn't ease the pain I felt. It was as though a part of me had been torn away, leaving a gaping void. **(I'm confused. Why is this good?)**

The day dragged like a feverish dream. I was barely aware of walking the steps into the Indigo Pleateu. I hardly noticed the blonde receptionist greet me with a friendly smile.

"Good morning, how may I help you today?" She beamed.

_Fuck off... _I thought to myself. **(Ah ha! Bad language, is Ruby making a comeback?)**  
"My name is Ruby Janet, you requested to see me."

"Ah yes we did. Uh huh..." Her smile faded as she read the computer screen. "Oh... I see... I'm so sorry for your loss."

I grunt and nod.

The receptionist continued. "When you filed for marrige **(One typo, but this is shocking, why are there more words spelt correctly than incorrectly?) **you also filed for joint trainership, correct?"

"Yeah so?"

"Well when we ran your records through the system we found that your licence expired two months ago. Were you aware of this?"

"What? That can't be right!"

"Well it says here that you failed to fufil the terms of your contract. By now you should have six pokemon and two badges."

"I've been busy. I saved the world!" I said indignantly. **(Yeah!)**

"It's not up to me at this point. You can take it to the Council but from here I have to take your pokemon and trainers card."

A lump rose in my throat and it was all I could do not to overturn the desk. My pokemon, my pokedex... they took it all.

Fifty dollars, that was all I had left. I booked a motel for the night, since it was a last minute room that would be otherwise empty, I got it for just ten dollars.

I don't know if I slept that night, being awake was like being in a nightmare and upon sleep the nightmares became reality...

**(?) Ruby wrote this? Nah, of course not. Despite there being no credit given at ANY POINT! This is the work of Zakar, an extremely patient man and decent writer by the look of things. **

**Ah well, all's well that ends well right?**

**Well it would be, if xxRubyJanetxx needed help, but as you will see, she don't need "ne halp!"**


	14. Chapter 14

**I am so witty,**

**I am so clever,**

**That is the truth, however,**

**A girl by the name of Ruby Janet,**

**Said I am the stupidest man on the planet,**

**Gave me a note to not be rued,**

**Said that I was to be heavily sued,**

**But my dear, I have a note for you,**

**Help! I have been attacked by the Mary-Sue!**

**And now for something less conventional,**

**Let us assume my misspelling is intentional!**

Chax 15** (Pick a spelling, any spelling, oh and this is supposed to be chapter 14)**

ZAKAR FUKKING GO DIE **(I think she likes you Zakar)** I DONT NEED YOUR HALP U ARE MEAN! **(Don't be mean)** THE LAST CHAPA WAS STUPID **(Uh… well if his was stupid…)** U CANT RITE SO FUK OFFF! **(You really can't write so really FUK off!)** STOPE FALIMING I HATE YOU ALL! aN DONT CHANGE MY PASSY! **(?)**

i stormed back an got my pokemon da next day. **(YAY!) ** They were so shocked the woman had beeen stupid enough to try to take pokemon frum me **(So am I, how dare they!) **and beeged me to forgive them **(aww…) ** and wanted my autograbs **(Touching like that is inappropriate kids.) ** but i told em to fuk off and die. **(You are the definition of sweet.)**

"Ruby, rubby! **(Kill em, they spelt your name wrong Rubby!) **We r soo sorry 4 dis mistake pls forgive us." They begged me to forgive em. **(That's the third time they've begged you.)**

"No. I sad. **(I would be sad if someone begged me for forgiveness.) **

"Pls except this trofy as a sybol of our sorryness." **(Sorryness, you use the best words!) **The man gav me the Pokemon champion throphy! **(And you totally earned it sweetheart!) **

"Since we made a mistake pls take this trophy, you r worthy of being the champion!" **(Eh… why?) **

I took the trophy and money. **(Wow.)**

Then I went hom to the house where da forest was. **(There once was a house in the forest...) **

I sat in my crying and cring. **(So sad.) ** i was hard to breath. **(Note to the kiddies out there, concentrated and deliberate inhaling of Ruby can be fatal!) ** Then i herd a nock on da door! **(Wow.) **I came off my rocking chair which was a red oak. **(Yay for pointless details!)**

It was... Ash Kellun **(I love how you build the suspense with the eclipses.)**

i GASPED. **(LOUDLY!) **he looked so sad. **(I'm so depressed.) **"Runy i need to talk to u." **(You can have Runy, BUT RUBBY IS MINE!) **He swept. **(Ain't that a good boy, cleaning your house all depressed.) **

I let him inside. **(Wow.)**

He bursted into tears. **(Hmm… sounds like a ticking time bomb, oh sorry, BOOB!)** We hugged 4 a while. He had bean Grays brother and was sad now that he was gon e 4EVA! **(Everyone is somehow related and sad.)**

sUDEENELY A Cellabe apparatred. **(RaNDOm caPS Make Things HARD To REaD!) **

Me and Ash looked at eachodder all shocked.. **(GASP!)**

It was green and came in a beam of siver green light. **(WOW! SHE EVEN INVENTS NEW COLOURS!)** Then... **(Oh my god what?)**

We were polled into da future! **(NO! NO WAY!)**

We hit da grond in a crash. **(Slick.)** I got up and dusted myself of. Ash got up 2. **(Wow.) **"OMG RUby I think we have been transformed to the past!" **(? You were pulled into the future… and you have been transformed to the past? You should be a physics teacher!)**

"WTF! I shooted. **(Ruby has a txt gun that fires random txts) **"WTF is dis happened?!" **(Because you wrote it.)**

"We have been taken to da past for sum raisin. **(Some raisins. Yum. I'm so in!) **We have a grate destiny here." Ash stated to cry. **(This dude's dragging you down Ruby, ditch him!)**

"Me! Wot am I supposed to do! I growed. **(When exactly did he start talking about you? Oh I forgot, it's always ABOUT YOU!) **

Ah looked worred. **(I'd be worried too)** He stared at da grind. **(What grind? Oh it must be me trying to grate and grind this "story" out of my brain!)**

"Well!" I demoned. **(She reveals her true colours! SHE IS A SUE-DEMON!)**

Before he cold replay **(Cold replay, the newest in rock!) ** the Celebe **(Pick a spelling!) **came and called out to me. I followed it to a big tree. **(Wow.)** "OMG dis tree must be so old, u can tell by the number of rings." I sad (dis works in real life 2) **(Kind of, but you can't see the rings if the tree hasn't been chopped down.)**

"Ya sad Ash. "Thats whats happens when you go back in time.' **(You fail physics forever.)**

Wde both laffed at the joke. **(Did I miss something here?)**

Suddenly an old man appeared. **(Epic.) **You, you must be the ones who Cebeli **(Ooo another spelling) **has choosed o sav us." He lokked at us all careful. **(Be afraid, be very afraid!) **I looked at Ash for comfrot and he smelled at me **(Sniff.) ** reassurassedly. **(Like a dog? YEAH BECAUSE HE'S YOUR BITCH!)**

"You nhave suffered a grate loss." **(Said the mysterious no-one!)**

I nodded thing of gary and tryn nut tom cry. **(Don't make Tom cry.)**

The old man sad wiselly. "Come wif me." **(Now, will you chose the red pill, or the blue pill.)**

**If YOU chose the blue pill, then read on, but know, I cannot undo what you will experience. THERE IS NO GOING BACK! (This should have been on the first chapter really)**

**LordSeavar out.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapa 16 **(No, it's 15)**

GUESS WHAT ZAKAR. **(What?)** U SUK!1 **(Wow.) ** AN GUES WHAT ZAKAR **(What?) **PAIGE DITCHED U **(He got ditched by his girlfriend? Well it's not very nice to go telling everyone about it. Maybe she has some kind words to make him feel better.) **COZ U R SO UGLE AND FAT AND STUPID AN IF A GURL LOKKED AT U SHE WOOD SCREAM AN DIE STUPIHEAD! **(There you go, an insult worthy of a 5 year old. Feel better?) **UR SOO STUPID U FELL OFF A BIKE AND BROKE URSELF AN UNCLE BOB HAD 2 CALL AN ABULANCE 4 U AN UR IN HORSPITAL NOW IM NUT! **(Right. Not having hospital visits is an indication of intelligence.)** I AM NUT SAYN NOTHIN TO MUM 4 U. **(But don't you love your mother?) **I HATE U! **(Why are you so obsessed with Zakar? Are you secretly in love with him? Or do you just like attacking people that have just broken up and are in hospital?)**

fUCK OF FLAMERS I HAVE OVA 100 REVIEWS THAT PROVES IM BETA THAN U. **(Over 100 flames, that proves you are "beta") **LOK DA SITE MADE ME BE A BETA READER **(You mean you made yourself a beta reader? Oh god no!)** COZ IM SOO MUCH BETA DAN ALL U FUKKERS!1 **(Second best!)** UR COMENTS R RUDE N DICUSTEDING!111 **(Yeah, you should be attacking people who have just ended relationships and are in hospital!)** i NO UR POSSING REVITES AS ASH AND GRAY AND ITS NUT DEM THEY WOOD NEVA SAY DAT 2 ME STUPIDHEADZ!11111 **(Yeah, because Gary and Ash don't exsist!)**

I DUNT NED UR HELP ZAKRN **(I'm thinking you actually love this guy...)** UR FUKKN CHJANGED MY PASSY BUSTARD!1 **(Your password? Are you sure you didn't just forget it?)** UR SORTAY SUKS I HAV MOR REVEWS DAN U!111 **(Correction, more flames)** UR A VEGEN NUT ME HA!11 **(How dare he not consume animal products.)**

BTW MINIPOEPL **(Oh goody more petty revenge.) **ZAKS GONG TO CUM **(Ew.) **KILL U SO TELL ME WHERE U LIFE! **(Right, hello I'm your murder, please leave your name, number and address so I can find you and get to work.) **UR STUPID N CANT WIRTE!1 **(I'm guessing this MiniPeople can also write circles around you.) ** HES GONG TO CUM KILL ALL U COWRDS DAT FLAME ME **(Yep, if you want someone to be your killing dog, first spread personal details about his life, then tell him he sucks and then accuse him of being a rapist/vegan. Ruby gives great life advice!)**COZ HE DOES WOT I SAY COZ MY UNCLE HES BOSS!1 **(Then shouldn't he be taking killing orders from your uncle?) **

UR SORTA IS TOOO LUNG **(Yeah, your stories are vital organs!) **AND MAKES NO SENCE FUKKER! **(It's too much for her brain to comprehend!) ** WOT DID I SAY EARER? **(Earer, you love your body parts, shame you don't know how they work.)** iM NUT A FUKKIN TROLL I AM BETIFUL PEERSON K! **(You are so betiful to me.)** UR ALL TROLLS GO UNDER A BIRD AND DIE! **(You heard the lady, go under a bird and die!)**

MY SOTRY IS DA BEST 1 ON DIS SITE COZ I FUKKN WROTE IT! SCREW U!11 **(Ruby has the "gratest" story ever!)**

Anyway hear is sum mor of my story for my fans **(Aw that's nice)** (I HAVE MOR THAN U ZAK!) **(But you love him anyway.)**

Da old man made us cum. **(Go away bad thoughts, go away…) **We went into hos house and he talked to us. I new u wood cum Ruby. **(Please stop, you're killing me…) **I sawed in a dream u wood be the 1 2 save us. **(Sawing wood in a saved dream.)**

I gosped. "Y me?" I asped. **(She gosped and asped!)**

"first u must talk to da Celibi. **(I can't even remember the proper spelling of that pokemon now…)** It will be at da tree of Tim." **(Who is Tim?)** The old man said all mysterious. (c dis is how u build expense in a story) **(This is how you make a commentary funny, I said all humorous.) **

Me and Ash went to the place where the tree was. **(Wow.) **It was a big oak and had lots of green leaves. **(Oh my god, no spelling mistakes.) **There was a box in the tree. **(Wow.) **Then silver green light pored out and celbi appeared. **(The brand new colour arrived along with the name-shifting pokemon!)**

We wnet up to the tree and there was a box in it but nothin else. **(That's the second time you've found that tree and it's box.)** I opedn it na d there was a letter. I took it . **(THIEF!)** there was also a gold ring with a ruby gem inside it and gold around the outside. It wasz up in da tree of time. **(The grand mystery, the ring and the letter which are never mentioned again.)**

sUDddenly Celibate appeared! **(Ruby was thinking about herself and forgot about him, then she remembered he was there.)**

I gasped and looked at Sah all shocked.**(As you should be. WHO IS SAH?!)** He looked shocked aswell. **(Oh god, how did I get here?!)**

dA CELIBI spoek to us in a pokemon mind voice that sonded relly cute like in da movie! **(That was fantastic describing.) **

"Ruby you hav cum here to put rite the unbalance of time. **(GASP!) **But the only one 2 put the time right angan will be fated to die!" **(What?)**

"WTF! NOOOOOO!"**(My words exactly.)** I was angfry and runned away. **(Let us go for a runned) **I dint want to die yet. Ash came after me beggin me to stop but i kept runnnnn. **(RUNNNNNNN!) **I burst into tears and cryed and wept. **(Oh no Ruby is sad again.) ** It was nut fair, furst Gary had dyed **(Silver/green) **and now i had to dye and save the world. **(Tie-dye Ruby!)**

"Its nut fair!" **(No sweetheart) **I weept into Ashes shoulder."Y is it always me who must save ever1 and fix things." **(I don't know, I really don't know.)**

"Its because you r a talent." He sad assurely. **(He knew she was the most "talent" in this twisted world, and he was most assuredly sad.) **

"I no but still why shold i hav to do anythin. When will it be my turn to hav somthing god happen to me. **(What? Like being made the pokemon league champion all because Zakar rewrote a chapter that you didn't like? I have a list, shall I email it to you?)** When will pople be able to do stuff wifout my halp. **(When you start to write characters that can look after themselves.) **Its nut fair! **(No one said being a god was easy.)**

"I no I no." sad Saffire. **(Unable to make up her mind.)**

"Ya" sad Misty. **(When did Misty get here?)**

Ash looked me in da eye and sad softly. **(Kill me softly.)** "Sara u r the most beauftifl person in da hole world. **(this world is a hole if the anorexic girl with flaming rabbit hair is the most beautiful…) **U r so smart and funny and ur soo god at writing! **(*snigger*)** Ever1 loves u and the ones dat say they dont are stupid and can go fuk demselves like MINIPEOPLE and ZAKAR **(Your two bestest friends!) **AND ALL DA ODDER FLAMERS!" **(More friends!)** He sad quietly. **(Despite talking in caps)**" U dont have to do ne thing?" **(He said uncertainly.)**

"No I fukkin do." I snaped. "Its up 2 me." **(Whoa, mood swing.)**

I had ben sad coz i didnt want to die but Gary was dead 2 so maybe we cold be 2gether in da afterlife. **(NOOOOOO!)**

"I'll do it I sad." **(No don't be sad. Be happy!) **

Everyone gasped and told me no but i make my mind. **(You just made a mind? Gasp! Maybe things are turning around!)**

AN: DIs is another clifferhanger it is my idea but you can use it **(You are so kind for sharing your invention of a "clifferhanger" with the rest of us "fukkin flamers")** in ur storyats coz its relly god writing. **(How to write like a Sue-God!) **BTW Im a beta writer now coz they chose me to win dat prize coz im lots of talent. **(Becoming a beta writer on this site is not an award…)** C I CAN RITE FUKKERS! **(Yeah!) **Anyway i have a god twist (a twist in a story is a surprise) for da nex chapa which is ull c...! **(I can't wait!)**

**Alright… I need a shower to wash this story off me and a hug and someone to tell me it's going to be alright. **

**LordSeavar out.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Pathetic as it may be, this "story" has me curious. Is it a troll? Is it genuine? I've heard some pretty convincing arguments from both sides. So given that I don't have a life (outside of trolling trolls and mocking random people) I started PMing Zakar to see if he would let anything slip. (Insert evil laugh here) Well I have to say his story about Ruby/Sara is pretty well told. He insists that she is real and she acts out for attention, acting stupider (is that even a word? Stupider. No red squiggles. NO! Don't get distracted.) than she really is in all aspects of her life. **

**Then we started talking about cricket and I forgot the rest. Being as clever as I am, I made up this story about coming to visit New Zealand to see a long lost uncle. Well Zakar gave me a phone number and rough address and said to call in for a cuppa if I was in the area. (Maybe he's planning to murder me. XD)**

**(I hope he's not reading this…) So I'm thinking about trying that number just as soon as I figure out how much it would cost to ring it.**

**Then there are the conspiracy theories. **

**The most obvious one being that Zakar is Ruby and he made her up just to draw attention to his stories. But he's deleted them now and Ruby's are still going. He would also have to have created Ruby's friend Katie too, who is still writing/flaming. **

**Another popular one is that Ruby is a troll and in real life she and Zakar are, shall we say "involved." **

**So to settle this I've made a poll. VOTE! VOTING IS THE BEST EVIDENCE! PEOPLE ARE NEVER WRONG! **

**Anyway I kinda hope this thing is for real because it's just so funny. **

CHar17 **(Eh, no, it's 16)**

AN; Okay my mum said that may by you are writing mean things about my story coz I'm better then you **(Wow, even your mum think's we are jealous.) **but I keep telling you and you don't like it. **(Oh, she thinks we are being mean because you are being a bitch.)** So she says I should say sorry.**(Good. How nice.)** Okay.**(Uh… you didn't actually say sorry…)** So don't write men things about my story k? **(So no honesty?)** I will be nice to you if you r nice to me. **(? But you were mean first…)** I will try to make this beta for everyone **(Second best! Oh I'm sick of that joke…) **(c I'm using spell checker now)**(Yeah but you're still not proof-reading and you are using txt-talk.)** coz your reviews were men**(DAMN THOSE MALE REVIEWERS!)** and gave me bad dreams and I cried about it k? **(…)** So I'm using spell check now coz uncle let me use his computer which has word on it. **(Maybe this is the turn-around for Ruby.)**

So if someone wants to help me wife my writing I will say yes and thanks. **(How lovely. She wants someone to become the lawfully wedded wife of her *shudder* writing…)**

So I'm really sorry sorry **(Wow. Doubly sorry. Did you have a near death experience?)** for my behavior which was wrong and childish. **(Wow.)** Some people are better at some things than me so I should be nice to them and let them help me. **(Again, wow.) **Zak said he will help me when he gets Time and he knows how to take away the bad reviews I gave you if you want and can show me how. I was really sad that you reported me and I cried about it last night. So I'm sorry okay. **(Okay, you at last said sorry. I forgive you for threatening to sue me and having Zakar to come and kill me.)**

(Mum helped me write that thank you mum) **(Isn't she so sweet.)**

Okay if someone wants to help make this better I will be nice to them. **(Lovely.)**

I knew I had to die to save everyone. **(WHY GOD? WHY?)** They were begging me no but I dint care anymore because I missed Gray **(You missed your secret lover, who should still be alive because it was GARY that died.)** and wanted to be wife him FOREVER. **(Do you take Ruby to be your wife till death do you part.)** I took a breath. **(Wow.)**

"Oka let's do it Celery." **(Celery: the edible vegetable pokemon. For unknown reasons this pokemon is facing extinction.)**

The green silver pokemon nodded sadly and I raised a sword. **(GIVE LINK/LUNK BACK HIS SWORD!)**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" someone sad. **(Pausing in the middle to take a breath and continue screaming, sadly.)**

"WFT!" Everyone shouted. **(Everyone is retarded!)**

The old man came running up to us. "No you can't do this Sara!" **(Right, this is not a self-insert at all eh Sara…)**

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" I demined.

"I love you Ruby!" The old man said. **(NO! She is mine you mean old man!) **

"WTF! Gross you are an old pervert!" I cried. **(Exactly! KILL HIM RUBY! (I love a girl that can fight all my battles for me.))**

Suddenly the old man's eyes rolled up and he was changed. **(GASP!) **He was Gary! **(Oh my GOD!) **I gasped and ruined up to kiss him. **(Yep, you ruined Gary alright…)** I could not believe it! **(The God-Sue created another miracle, of course it is unbelievable.) **"Aye" he said. **(Oh my god. He's Irish too!)** I was nut killed in the boom **(No, you were killed in the BOOB!) **but taken to the past where I knew u wood come for me coz we r meant to be together. **(That makes perfect sense… I guess you picked up the txt talk in the past as well…)**

"WTF!" I shouted happy. **(See kids, mobile phones are dangerous. Use them too much and you'll be shouting txt talk all over the place!)** "How happen?" **(Ruby was so shocked she yet again forgot words.)**

"You couldn't be the one farted to die **(Farted! LOL! I'm so mature…) **because then our son will never be borne." **(He will be the BORNE!)**

"I'm pregnant?" I gasped. **(Ruby, the fifteen year old girl… is pregnant. Take note of this shining example kids. And how is it Gary knows Ruby is pregnant and she doesn't?)**

"Yea you have a son soon" **(Again, how does Gary know and God-Sue doesn't) **"I'm so happy we are going to have family!" Gary was crying so happy. **(Is crying so happy better than crying so sod?)**

"I was so happy to." **(Okay, among other things, it is clear the author has no idea how to use quotation marks.)**

We went home then an started to decorate a nursery. **(What? How did you get back home from the future/past) ** It was a square room **(Wow)** so I Gary panted it red and blue (for a boy) **(He huffed and puffed and panted the room red and blue) **and we put a cot in and a bed for when our son grew up.**(I feel sorry for the kid, a Sue-demigod forced to endure this story…)** I put up some posers of Pokémon **(Damn those poser pokemon!)** for him to look at when he grew up. **(SOMEONE RING SOCIAL SECURITY I CAN'T BEAR TO WATCH!) **

Then Gary pulled out a Christmas tree and it was XMAS! **(Wow.)** (OMFG IM SOOO EXITED! IT'S NEARLY HEAR!) **(What are five?) **We decorated it together. **(Wow.) **I put on the balls **(*snigger*) **and he put on the lights. Then I threw so tinsel at him and he laughed. We both luffed. **(Luffing all together, so happy, I'm sod.) **We were so happy to be back together again. **(Aww.)**

Then we went to bed tougher **(Decorating xmas trees will certainly put hair on your chest.) **and the next day it was xmas. **(OH MY GOD I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!) **I got up and ran downstairs and looked under the tree. **(Wow.) **There was one present for me wrapped in red paper with a sliver bow and the tag sad **(It was sad because it would be forced to endure ownership by Ruby.)** to Ruby from Gary.

I gasped excitedly **(No silly, "exitedly.") **and opened the beautify paper. Inside was a box. **(Wow.) **I was abbot to open it when gray took it. **(Oh no, your secret lover Gray is here! WHAT WILL GARY THINK?!)**

"Ruby I got this for u when we went back in time because since we went back in time we have to get married again coz it dint count before. **(That makes perfect sence…)** He gut on one knew **(?) **and opened the box. It was a ring of gold with ruby's in the middle. **(Why rubies… why? Such a mystery…)**

"Will u marry me Ruby? **(But who ASKED?! Was it Gray or Gary? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!)**

"YEs" I sad happily. **(Sad happy again, the bipolar Sue is BACK!) ** He kissed me passively **(Sweetie he's just not that into you.)** and we spent the rest of xmas together.

An: I hop you liked this one I worked hard on it. **(And it shows.) **Have a good xmas k!1 **(Ain't she a doll?)**

**Lord Seavar out.**


	17. Chapter 17

See i told u I wood fix it. You hav to like it now. **(But I already luuuurrrvvveee it *snigger*)**

THE BEGINNING **(Wow- Wait, what?)**

Morning light crept through the crack in my bedroom curtains, waking me. I absently admired the Pokémon print, Pikachus and Starias, bent and curved with the fabric, just brushing the floor. **(?)**

I smiled to myself as excitement spread through my chest. I had been awaiting this day for years. Today was the day of trainers, the annual day where three new trainers would be given their first Pokémon. I had been on the waiting list for months, ever since I had turned fifteen; I hoped I would be picked. **(Who are you and what have you done with the real Ruby?!)**

I carelessly brushed my chestnut hair into a loose ponytail while I picked out my clothes. It had to be something practical, in case I had to leave immediately. But then again it was an important day, I should look my best. In the end I settled on a crisp white tank top, covering myself with a leather jacket and finishing the outfit with clean dark jeans. **(This is… wrong…)**

I briefly examined myself in the mirror, pleased with my appearance. A gleam of red caught my eye and I glanced down at my hands. Red nail polish, I probably shouldn't have painted my nails last night, but the paint work seemed whole, without chips.

Breakfast. I could smell the eggs and bacon as I opened my door and thudded downstairs. Mum had cooked my favourite. "Have you packed your bags?" She asked briskly nervously picking at her own breakfast. **(Reasonable writing… to quote Ruby "WTF!")**

"Yes Mum." I replied impatiently.

"Socks, underwear, thermals, food. Did you pack the food? It was up on the bench."

"Yes Mum. You don't need to remind me." **(Say's the girl who forgot which chapter she was up to…)**

"Okay… just checking honey. You will call won't you? Tonight, about six-"

"I might not even get picked Mum!" **(Don't be stupid you are RUBBY!)** My fork clattered on the plate.

"I know honey, but just in case." Her smile was warm but her eyes were starting to water.

I ducked my head, embarrassed. "I'm going to be late if I don't go now."

"Okay." Mum's chair groaned as she rose and strode over to give me a hug. "I love you baby."

"Love you too Mum." I permit the contact to last a few moments, then pull away. "I'm going to be late." I muttered.

After extracting myself from several more goodbyes and promises of contact, I hurry toward the Pokémon Lab.

_9.31am…_

_Shit, I'm late… _**(NOOOOOOOOO!)**

There is a small crowd gathered outside Professor Oak's Laboratory. Hopeful trainer prospects and their families and friends. I paused to catch my breath.

"Soon you decided to show after all." Oh, no. I know that voice.

I straightened and glared the fifteen year old boy in the eye. "Hello Gary." I said determinedly. He thought he was so cool, what with his spiky gelled to hell hair, his mud-brown eyes, his lop-sided smile-

_Stop it! _**(Yeah, forget about him. Here's my number, call me baby ;)**

I felt myself going red, and with my pale skin I just about glow. But luckily Gary was too busy talking to notice.

"-of course I'm going to get a Pokémon, it pays to have a Grampa in the Pokémon business-"

"Can I have your attention please?" The cackle of a loudspeaker cut him off.

Professor Oak tapped the loudspeaker again. "Is this thing working…? Oh the light means it's going" The old man cleared his throat, causing a whining feedback in the loudspeaker. "Now we have chosen our three trainers. We have- right here… dammit… Oh yes! GARY OAK!"

I groaned as he smirked at me puffing out his chest and strutting like a rooster to the fore of the crowd. **(Ooo I hates that guy…)** Professor Oak's assistant Tracy led him inside.

_Of course he had to get it…_

"Our second trainer is RUBY JANET!"

_Of course she had to get it…_

"Our third trainer is ASH KETCHEM!"

_Of course he had to get it… I knew I wasn't going to get a Pokémon…_

I kicked at the ground, about to leave for home when Ash called to me. "Hey Ruby! Aren't you going to get your Pokémon?!

"I'm getting a Pokémon?" I replied incredulously. **(No. Freaking. Way!)**

"Yeah! Didn't you hear your name called?"

I don't admit that I didn't. I can be a ditz like that. **(No. You are not a ditz Ruby. You are so much less than that.)**

Slowly, excitement flooded my chest.

_I'm getting a Pokémon! _

AN: See I told you my story was good, you just cant see it. You cant report me ne more.

**(Okay… For those who couldn't guess (Anyone who can't guess… *crickets chirp*… I didn't think so.) Ruby did not write this chapter. (GASP! SHOCK! HORROR!) **

**But as we shall soon see, Ruby writing is so godly that she don't need ne halp.**

**(Oh god I'm getting infected… SOMEONE GIVE ME A GRAMMAR INJECTION!)**


	18. Chapter 18

Beginning: Ruby goes to lab, gets pokemon, NOT PIKAFIRE,**(WHAT? WHY?)** Pikachu okay. Show feelings for Gary, confused, angry but also attraction. Gary arrogant, Ash may be more of her friend? Gary picks squirtle, Ash gets Pikachu because he lets Ruby choose first? Charmander unavailable or a fourth trainer gets it. **(…Uh… I'm not sure how to put this but… WHAT THE HELL?!)**

Travels a bit, catches a pokemon or two. (vulpix? Marill? Pidgey? Bulbasaur?) Show bonding, training and battles with them. Ruby picks Bulbasaur. Gary challenges her to a battle with squirtle, bulbasaur has advantage and wins. Squirtle dies, Gary upset and furious, secretly scared that training harder than he thought. Ruby is guilt ridden at Gary's fate.

Middle: Ruby travels to first gym which is rock so wins easily, believes she is better than really is. Ash tries and fails, forced to train harder with Pikachu. Ruby hasn't seen Gary, feels guilty. Continues to next gym, which is water and wins, Ash does too. So does Gary. But Ruby loses at the next gym, killing one of her pokemon. Loses confidence, wants to give up being a trainer. Mother wants her to come home. Gary feels mixed emotions due to her loss, sympathises, but has no feelings for her. **(Why?)**

Relationship begins when Gary becomes jealous of attention Ruby is giving Ash for helping her (friendship) Too immature to cope, both sides, relationship doesn't occur? Or Ruby makes first move but is rejected, which Gary regrets but refuses to change.

NO SEX SCENES. THEY ARE FIFTEEN. **(*snigger* ah, memories… horrible, emotionally scaring memories…)**

End: At Indigo plateau, Gary withdraws, deciding instead to become a pokemon researcher, Ash and Ruby battle, Ash wins but loses next match and comes third overall. Who was the greatest pokemon master? No one knows, but they had had the greatest journey.

**I don't know what to say about this… Well from what I can see from the reviews (I am so clever XD) Zakar wrote the last chapter (Are you shocked?) and he also gave her this summary… which she posted... without even a glance… or acknowledgement… **

**Ain't she a doll?**

**Lord Seavar out.**


	19. Chapter 19

Why do u pople like Zakars sortay and nut mine! **(Ah, now this sounds familiar…)** YOU PEOPLE R STUPID! I GUT HIM **(Dead.)** TO RITE SUM AND U STIL DONT LIKE MY WRITING! **(Gotta love Ruby's logic. Zakar can write the next Harry Potter, still no one is going to like YOUR writing Ruby.) **UR R STILL BEN MEAN Y CANT U JUST FUKKING LIKE IT! **(Because it sucks.) **IT PROVES U R JUST STUPID **(Yeah… Ruby logic part 2) **AN U ONLY DONT LIKE IT TO BE MEN TO ME! WHAT WOOD U SAY IF I WROTE SUM SORTAY FOR ZAKAR, I BET U WOOD LIKE IT DEN **(Yes… and pigs can fly.) **YOU ARE FUKKING RASSISTS!1 **(But you're both from New Zealand… Oh I get it. You are a separate race of SUE-GOD!)**

WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM AN NUT ME! MY STORY IS BETTER! **(No it's Beta.)** HIS CHAR IS A MARU SUE NUT MINE **(Behold the charcoal Mary Sue, a by-product of Ruby's flaming… I'm in a weird mood.) **AND ITS BORIN! **(Yeah, he doesn't rant and rage like you baby!) **HE THINKS HE IS SOO GRATE COZ BUT HES NUT! **(He's a nut! You're a nut! We are all nuts!) **ZAKAR U FUKKIN SUK FUK U! **(How nice.)** U GOT DITCHED BY UR GF i DIDNT! **(I'm sure that's something he'd love to have posted on the web. Thank you Ruby.) **i HAV A BOYFIEND U DONT! **(Well maybe he doesn't want a boyfriend.) ** U FINK U R SOO SMART BUT UR NUT!1 **(Ouch.)** UR SOTRY MAKES NO SENCE AN SUKSS! **(Well I can understand how correct spelling might confuse you.)**

ZAKAR YOU R FULKIN MEN I SAW UR CHAPA AND U CALLED ME A DITZ! **(No Ruby, he called your character a ditz. I thought she wasn't a Mary-Sue. And why didn't you read it before posting it? Silly girl.)**

IM GONNA FUKKIN SUET YOU LORDSEVAR **(Uh oh.)** YOU FUKKER U STOLE MA SOTRY! **(Oh no. Hide!) **IM GOING TO GET ZAKAR OR SCOT TO CUM **(Ew… no not that.)** AND KILL U FUKKER! **(Well that's a relief.)** SO YOU BETA WATCH OUT **(I'm going to have nightmares.)** AN DIM **(?)**

NOCTURNAL OF ECLIPSE U ROCK I LOVE U GURL!1 **(Oh good she got distracted.) **SHE THINKS IM GOD! **(You have a cult following lol)** ACESWILD13 U ROCK I LO SOO SWEET! **(So I have a rival?) **SEE TONES OF POPLE THINK IM GOD. **(You've started a new religion!)** aN KATIE UR ORSUM! u R SOO VOLUPTOOUS (THAT MENS PERFECT U STUPID FUKKERS) **(Perfect female figure maybe…)** zAKAR U R NOT VOLUPT2OUS SO FUK U. **(Well given that he's a dude…)** Go die MINIPEOPLE and XRTEAMDREAM!. **(How lovely.)** eVERQ1 WHO IS MEN CAN GO FUK THEMSELVES AND DIE COZYOU R STUPID. **(So you hate the male gender?)**

SO U EDER LIK THIS SORTAY OR FUK OFF! **(I chose…)**

Ruby was in the pokemon gym getting ready to fite the leader which was Ash kettlem. **(This plot is so messed up that I'm not even going to comment on how this makes no sense, oh wait I did.) ** He shot out a Pikachu. **(Pikachu gun!)** I laffed and thew a pokemonball at it and out come a Oniks. **(Ruby is creating a new series of pokemon!)** we fited for a while then Pikachu faint and I win. **(Wow.)** Ash gasped and sent out a Charlizard. (OMG I love dat pokemone!). **(OMG me too!)**

"You cannot bezat me!" **(Ooo that's going to be my new catch-phrase.) ** I shooted. **(With the Pikachu gun?) **I called back Oniks and sent out Vaporeeon! "You water attack!" **(You! Say something stupid!)** Vapor shoot a water blast and shot Charlizard down. **(Wow.)**

Ash looked worryd now! **(Because he was trapped in this hellhole fanfiction.) **"GO BLASTOYS"

I smelled and sent out a Mew!" **(Hey just asking… what does Mew smell like?)**

"HOLY SHIT" muttered ash. **(LOL!)**

I laffed and bet him. **(YEAH!)** He dropped his knees **(What is it with people with detachable body-parts?)** then I helped him up and he gave me sum money and we went away then. **(Wow.)** I now had 11 badges so i was redy to go to da league. **(When the hell did you get 11 badges. And I thought you only needed eight… Wow you are amazing.)**

TO B COTINED! **(Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! I'm so "exited!")**

Anyway we gut to the league and we went in. **(Oh, we're continuing now.) ** Inside was all red and done up for the cerimony. **(I think you hate red.)** I had dresed up to I was wearing a red jacket and black mascara and red high helled boots and a **(and a what? You have me on the edge of my seat!)**

**(Wait where's the rest of it?...)**

***sigh* So my Rubby is planning to make Zakar or Scot *ahem* then kill me… Oh god please no. **

**What did I do to deserve this?**

***Facepalm* I need a hug... and a shower… **

**Lord Seavar out**


	20. Chapter 20

**Guess who's back baby.**

**The one, the only LORDSEAVAR! MUWAHAHAHAHA!**

**And guess who is still up on FN when yours truly got taken down? I'm guessing some gem of a girl reported some dude who likes to make snarky comments.**

**Well since she's failed to carry out her threats of murder let's get it on!**

To everyone I wrote too saying mean things I'm sorry. **(…)** I shouldn't have done that pls dont report me. **(huh?) **So pls give me good reviews coz I need some to beat Zak. **(Yeah that's a good reason to give someone undeserved good reviews…)** I was tired and I had tons of mean reviews and it was really late when I worte that But I will try to change it now. **(Oh come on it's been more than 7 chapters since you wrote this, me no think so.)** See I got Katie to help write this (u r awesum gurl) **(Cue thesaurus abuse.) ** I am dislexic I have trouble writing and stuff k so pls stop being mean to me. **(Now come on, my brother is dyslexic and he can write a million times better than you. Dyslexia is not an excuse for violent swearing at people trying to help you either…) **

I'm on school hols now so I can put tons of time into writing this now. **(But you didn't) **If sumone want to help me then I will be nice to then and say yes and. **(And ignore all advice given because Ruby is the "gratest" writer ever.)** So I got Kaite to help write this ok. So no more flaming my story, its good now **(Eh, no.)** ans you people will like it now. **(500 flames says no.) **So give me some good revies and I will write more story **(Give her some more flames and you'll see more funny.)**

Anyway we got the league and went inside where there where **(Where was what, when, who or how?)** lots of chairs and trainers wanting to battle in the league. I took of a seat and comprised down. **(Comprised =** **Include something, consist of something) **Gary sat beside me and held me all protective. **(Aww, *gag*)** I wonder what will be in the league because only the blandiloquence **(Only the mild, flattering speech) **trainers are allow in. **(In the time it took you to look up "**blandiloquence**" you could have seen that "allow" should be "allowed")**

"You will be fine." Gary said sexily in an itinerant way into ma ear. **(He spoke in a traveling way into your *sorry* "ya" ear? I think ya is the other version of ma, like you and my are in real English, don't you think?)**

I went up to the shop coz Gary gave me some money and I bought some cinereous **(= Ash grey) **potions and pokeballs and then I went back to the seat, all nervous inside. **(I'm all facepalming inside) **Then the doors effervescencely** (**e**ffervescencely** **= emit small bubbles) **opened and a lady came out and called for all the trainers to come inside. **(What a bubbly lady.)**

I got up and went inside. **(Wow.) **Inside there was 20 trainers and there juxtaposition pokemon. **(Juxtaposition** = **Placement of two objects near each other. Why not just say, they had their pokemon next to them? But no Katie likes head-ache inducing words it seems.) ** I waited for the lady to come and lead me up to the benevolent Elit Four. **(Peaceful "Elit" meaning they were peacefully lit on fire in the past) **She came. **(Go away bad thoughts.) **The fisrt trained was OMG NAte! **(WARNING! WARNING! CRAZY FANGIRL ALERT!) **HE WAS SO VOLUPTOUOS! **(Why are you so attracted to curvy men?)** His eyes show some of the voluptouos looks **(His eyes swayed their curvy curves oh so sexily)** to me that were so sexy that that I concorted. **(I don't know what you did. Ruby please give your readers a dictionary, clearly we are not intelligent enough to understand your advanced vocabulary *snigger*)**

"Hi Ruby" He sad happily. **(Another bipolar sad/happy character.)**

"Yeah whats ur fave pokemon?" I asked firtily. **(Please brain, I know this is hard, but please don't explode.)**

"Pikachu. Just like my wife Katie, **(Katie is a Pikachu? Bestiality much?)** I AM SO AUSPICIOUS TO HAVE HER AS MY WIFE. I LOVE HER SO MUCH!" **(That sounds like brainwashing to me.)** I could tell that his eyes weren't lying. **(But his brain, lips and tongue were.)**

"OMG mine is to." **(Wow, No. Fucking. Way.)**

Anyway the ladt came and told me to go to the next room and I said bye to the voluptouos Nate. **(Bye curvy man, whoa wait, weren't you supposed to battle him?!)**

The next rrainer **(Let it rain, let it pour!) **was a ghost woman **(Ooo scary.) **but I belaboured **(Urg!... I'm okay. Ruby attacked her verbally. Well we all know she's the master of that…) **her easily with my Charlizard, **(So your charizard, sorry, Charlizard can swear? Well it is a magic pokemon like Pikafire I guess…)** I didnt even need to use any potions. **(Wow.)** (An this happened to me in da game so its not a fake thing) **(Because games are real, kids.)**

Anyway the pristine **(Now Ruby, pristine is a word that means perfect (in condition, anyway) try that instead of "voluptuous")**lady came up to me and said "Very good Ruby, now it si time for you to battle with the stelliferous **(Covered in stars)** chapion. Come wife me. **(That sounds like a strange marriage proposal to me…)**

We followed this black hall upward. **(Wow.)** IT was LONG **(wow.)** ANd it had lights flashing up the side and it was black with lights flashing up the side. **(don't explode brain, please…)**

At the stoical hall **(Poor hall. Stoical** = **Enduring hardship or pain without showing feelings.)** top a door opend and let us in. I was exited to see the chapion firsthand. **(But what about that poor wall?)**

I vociferated. **(Wow. She didn't gasp this time!)**

It was...Gary! **(No. Freaking. Way!)**

See I told u this one was beter, pretty guh aye? **(Yep, it was totally "guh.")** Anyway I need some god reviews so review pls! Love Ruby. **(Aww that's… nice.)**

**My head hurts.**

**LordSeavar out.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey hey! Guess who's back and stabbing! (*Holds for applause*) **

**Never mind.**

Ok Aces this is my nex chapa thnks for ur help you r a babe. **(Somehow I don't think you got any help on this, stop passing on the blame.)** Anyway Katies gone on hols so I had to write did myself **(You just said you got Aces to help you. I'm so confused…)** so don't blame me for da spelling I tryed **(Eh, no you didn't) **and I gut mum to look at sum of this to. **(Well now we know where you got your spelling skills!)** Look its relly hard to get the spelling god aand I don't have the time Coz I have a life. **(Wow, so everyone who actually puts time into making a good story has no life? Just wow.) **So im just gonna write this quick coz odderwise the story wont be finished **(How can you finish something with no plot?!) **and sum one else can fix the spelling and stuff. **(You mean someone without a life?) **That's called ghost wrting for those who ned to no and its what the famouse wrtings do like Stephanie King and Stephan Meyers. **(No no no no no and no in that order.)**

Katy ur stories r soo god, you guys should red them, **(If you put them by an English teacher then you will see plenty of red.) **mines beta but heres r relly talent too. **(You are soo generous and modest Ruby.)** To find her you have to look for NateWife (Omg he is soo hoit) **(? Your female friend Natewife/Katie is a hot guy?)** and it will say no result BUT if you search for the AUTOR then u wiall find her! **(Thank you! THANK YOU for pointing out how to use 's search engine!)**

Oh My God it was Gary **(Oh we're in the story now.)** (see im not using txt in the story anymore) **(yeah sure…) **"Oh my god you are the leader of the league!" I said all shocked. **(All grammatically incorrect! Also why and when did Gary get to be the leader of the league when Ruby killed his only pokemon in the second chapter… oh forget it.)**

"Yes Ruby it has been me all along!" He murmured to me with a sparkle in his eye. **(Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD WHAT A SHOCKING TWIST!)**

I gasped! **(My words exactly)**

I could not believe it! **(See last comment.)**

We prepared to battle. We were in a round blue room that had lights around the walls and up them. **(Go home room, you're drunk.) **It looked exactly like the one in FireRed. **(All pixelly and small like a Nintendo game.)** A circle told us where to stand so we could begin the battle. I was very nervous because it was Gary. **(I'm sure he will still wuv you no matter what.) ** I had done up my hair so it fell into my eyes in a seductive way. I had also put blond streaks in it. **(NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU'RE WEARING!) **I was wearing my bright red jeans, a white silver singlet and a white jacket that has a Maya flower print on it (OMG just jeans is awesome!) and I had on a cool silver pendant that looked like a teardrop that I got for Christmas. **(STOP IT! STOP IT!)** I had on black and chocolate eyeliner that I had smudged into a smoky eye and I was wearing wet gloss on my mouth. I had put on red nail polish on my hands to. **(Oh look it stopped. I HAS THE POWER!)**

Gary was looked amazing. He was wearing a leather jacket and beige t-shirt under it and had a silver chain around his neck. **(NO! WHY? WHY MUST YOU START AGAIN!) **He had on dark jeans that went on his legs and had cool rips in then. His blue eyes danced like blue skies on a clear day when there is no clouds out.

We were ready to battle.I was so nervous because he was my boyfriend and I loved him. **(Déjà vu much?) **I looked around the room, taking a breath nervously. The room had lights all around it and on the blue walls. **(GET ON WITH IT!)**

But all suddenly a MINIPOPLE Runed out yeliing **(Oh my god!)** GUES WHT RUBY I WNAYT TO BE IN UR STORY COZ I LIK NEED ATTENTION AND YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND VOLOUPTIOUS! **(I'm sure he'd say those words exactly…)**

I Laffed. WHAHAHAHAHA! **(Nice laugh.)** He was lik so desprat! But he had ben all men to me3 and I hat him even if hes sory an try to be nice but I am da biger person so I mum told me I hat to be nice so I let him be in my story. **(Aw, how nice.)**

HAHAHAA NOT! **(oh.) **I pushed him off da tower and he fell all da way down cryn like a retard baby and DIED! LOL! **(Example of excellent maturity and manner number: 128)**

Oh and then that fukker Xtreamatedream came and I pushed her off to! **(Yeah just kill em all.)**

"Anyway I pick GO SQUARTILE!" He sent out a pokemon to fight me! **(Squartile: The zombie squatting pokemon, brought back to life by a Mary-Sue author in order to destroy her!)**

I gathered myself up and threw up a pokeball **(Ew.) **and sent out a Venisore! **(Sounds like something you'd need a cream for…)**

"HOLY SHIT!" said Ash. **(Shocked as he was for suddenly appearing in this story)** He told squartile to use bubbleblast! **(Because Gary was unable to command the zombie pokemon as he did not have the required badges.) **

Venisore attacked the squartile with whips and bet him! **(Sigh, Ruby: 1, Ash/Gary/Gray: 0)** I laughed and was delighted!

Gary smiled at me and sent out a Tenacul!

I returned Venisor and sent out a Racihu! **(Such an epic battle.)**

"USE THUNDER I shouted" **(Yelling out her actions like a retard.)**

RAAAAIIIIICHHHHHUUUUUUU!1111111111 **(The ones at the end add extra spark.)**

Tentacul fell down then and Gary looked worried now! **(He should be worried for soo many reasons.)**

"Don't think just because I love your Ruby **(Oh he just loves her jewellery.)** that I'm going to take it easy on you!" He smirked and sent out his last pokmeon!

I gasped! It was a DRAGONITE! **(Pokemon must magically spawn in this story with no need to capture them…)**

"Omega that boy is so cute!" **(Omega = Last, so I guess that's fitting.)** I laughed!

Gary laughed to!

I SENT OUT MY BEST POKEMON IT was a LOOGIA! **(Ah the magic spawning toilet pokemon.)**

Gary Gasped! **(What's with all the exclamation marks?)**

Loogia used hyperblast and killed the dragonite Before I could stop it! **(Because you never earned any badges and the pokemon refused to obey you.)**

Oh no I sad! **(Oh no, we is sad.) **

We both runned up to it but Gary first gave me the trophy and money for winning! **(You are such a lovely person.)** I dropped my knees beside it! Gary stated to cry but I told him no "We can still save it!" **(Ruby is GOD-SUE! She can maketh anything happeneth!) **

I pulled out the Tricforce Lunk gave me and brung the loogia back to life! **(This makes perfect sense…)**

He gasped "Ruby you did it love!"

"No it was nothing!" I sad all modestly! **(I somehow doubt it.)**

"No, it was so much more then that!" he said very hotly! **(I would be pretty hot about it too.)**

The loogia gut up and looked at me and talked inside my head. **(Nothing to be concerned about at all.) **"Ruby you have tamed the beast of the sea. You are the chosen one to save the world because of this." **(Why am I still reading this?)**

I blushed!

Loogia continued. "Now you must forfil your porpoise." **(Step 1: Capture a dolphin like creature. Step 2: Fill it.)**

"WTF purpose?" I sad. Gary looked confuddled

"U will sea." **(Oh lol, what a fabulous pun!)**

I laughed at loogias joke but then was serious. What was my purpose.

Anyway I dunt ned ur relly help but if you want to that's fine coz Katies busy now and on hols. Lok zaka I sad sorry what else am I supposed to do? BTW alishas back from uni and I no u lik her and I no where shes stayin so u better be nice to me coz im being nice to u now. Beside i would hav won the comp coz I have way more reviews and I don't care abot it anymore so whatever. **(Oh I'm getting tired now. I'm writing in Word. Look at all them red squiggles. Hey if Ruby can randomly change the subject…)**

TO BE CONTIEND **(Immediately.) **

Sudenly Loogia got up and we went away then. We went back to my horse and picked out sum clothes for the journey. I picked out five tops. **(Oh. GOD. NO!) **The first one was white with red around the edges and arms and had red rinesones in a spiral pattern. The other one was black with a red butterfly and see-through sides and long sleeves. The other one was yellow with a blue and silver v pattern and a black Bodyglove logo. **(Urgh…) **The other one had a pic of Jutstin beeper **(Beeper *snigger*) **on the front and the words One time wriiten on the back in black and the top was white. The next one was red with blue and blak round squares on it. The next one was silver sparky with a white sholder strap thing. **(That was seven tops not five.) ** I also chose sum pants. **(NOOOOOO!) **The first was a dark jean with rips on the knees. The next one were white shorts that showed off my legs the next one was a bright red jeans like the ones I gut for xmas the next one was a faded demin with JJ on the back. I put them in a vag. I then took the bag and got on loongian with gary at my side and and then we went to the Mysery Beyond! **(So now we're in a depressed version of "The Land Before Time?") **

We got there. I was like the world in snow white and the huntsman **(WTF?)** (Omg best movei ever except for twighlite!) **(No.)**

A white stag appeared from the birds in the big oak tree. **(What a "beautifuk" description.)** He came to me. He was hug! **(BIG HUG!)** He came up to me and bowed down. "You must be ruby, you are the one set to distry the unbalance of the worlds. Pls you must help us." **(What happened to the "no txt speak" you promised?) **He begged, tears of sadnes running down his silky face.

"But what can I do. I'm just like a ordinary girl." **(No, You are GOD-SUE!)** I nearly fainted, I was so tirede of fightin. **(When did you do ANYTHING!)**

"No you are spesial U mst find urself in da mirror so then u can see da truth k." Sad the deer wisely. **(And rather constipatedly.) **

"Yea Rubny **(oh a new name!) **you are the one who can save I'lve always nown that that's y I lov u soo much." **(Aww…)**

I took a breathe. K, lets go" I sad proudly.

2 b contiened **(With more typos than EVER!)**

***Sigh* When all is done and said, there is only one thing left to say…**

**TROLOLOLOLOLOLOL!**


	22. Chapter 22

**No one seems to know**

**How much longer this thing will go**

**No advice enters her head**

**She only strikes her helpers dead**

**Some have said that she's a troll**

**But not according to my poll**

**So they shall carry on and flame**

**For it's little more than a game**

**But be careful what you write**

**Or she'll kill you in the night**

I DINT WRITE THAT NEW SOTYR FOR U S REDING IT! **(Oh course not that's why you published it…) **IF YOU FUKKIN H8 ME SO MUCH DEN FUKIN GO AWAY! REDING MY STORY IF IF **(Now now calm down, you're stuttering.) **SUKS SO MUCH IT COZ U FUKERS R JEALOUS BICHES! **(All so jealous of your ability to at immaturely) **EVER1 HAS BEN TRYN TO STEAL MY SOTRAY **(Well I've never seen your sotray. It that something else you've invented?) **SO DAT PROVES IT FUKERS! LORDSEEVAR **(Uh oh.) **YOU FUKING BITC COWARD AND A THEEF GIV ME UR NAM ADRESS AN PH NO SO I CAN FUKING HUNT U DOWN AND KILL U U FUKKING BITCH WNAKER! **(You're going to kill me? Why Ruby? Why? No really, why would I give you my personal details?)** THE REST OF U FUKERS CA TO I FUKKING HAT U SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! **(Thhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssss muuuuuucccccccchhhhh.) **U FUERS I AM A PEROSN WIF FEELING K!1 **(Yeah!) **IM WRITN DIS FOR MY FRINDS NUT U FLAMERS SO FUK OFF! JUST FUCKING GO WAY!1 **(Way away.) ** I FUKIN TRYED BEING NICE TO U **(Uhhh, when?) ** BUT NOOO U STILL ARE MEAN! Y CANT U BE LIKE KATI U SUKKK GO ND DIE BITCHES! XTREMEDREAM U ACT LIK A BICHY GIRL SO THER I NEW U WERE A GUY **(How many people have you attacked and killed Ruby.) **BUT U ARE A FUKIN PUSY I HAT U i DINT FORCE U TO RED IT SO U R BANNED FROM MY STROY! **(No, please have mercy!) ** NO 1 IS ALLOW TO RED DIS IF THEY R GIONG TO BE MEN! **(That's sexism Ruby. Men should be able to read it too.)**

Anyway I dont car i dont need your approvel to know im a good person k. **(That's nice.) ** Anyway here is sum more sotry for ma fans **(I think it should be fan, since you only have yourself and Katie.) **i luv u guys especilly katie ho is a true friemd. **(Dawww) **And im trynin to write beta now **(Lies)** I got a english book and I gong to get tui to help me write wen she gets back frum hastings coz shes good at english. **(Good like you?) **Shes got tones of gud ideas for my story and then it will be the best. **(Still waiting on that baby.)**

We had ben to see queen mirror like the stag told us to. **(Ouch, grammar burn.)** We got there. **(Wow) **I run up to the mirror and looked into the miror. I gasped. **(Dun dun dun…)**

Inside the miror I could see myself **(No. Freaking. Way.) **and sudenly it changd and we wer in a new place! **(This "sortay" is amazing!)**

But where was gray? **(I don't know!) **I stated to cry sadly. He was gone and I didnt know how to find him. **(Pure and tragic) **Anyway i was so sad and then I went hom. **(Why don't you look for him then?)**

I was sad a long time. **(Don't you just love how beautifully the agony of grief is rendered in words.)**

The next day I wok **(Chinese anyone?) **up and I got dressed in a siver tank top and shinny dark jeans **(Don't care.) **and went don to have some toast then hurryed to catch the scool bus. **(Uh why are you going to school, shouldn't you be, I don't know, going to some gyms?) **I climbed into the bus and fond a seat at the back. **(Seat lover!0 ** Ash was dere and he was loking at me with friends in his eys. **(He must have a serious ocular condition.)** Misty and kaite was also there. Katie was weering a reed and bluk cross singlet thing and whit jeans. **(No! RAAH!) **Misry was wearig a red buttafly in her hare. **(Why does everyone have rabbits?) **I took a seat in da back with da hot guy of nartoro Itatchy. **(Why is Naturo coming into this?!)**

Away we got to school at the te kuite highscholl I went to. **(That must be the worst highschool ever.)** I got into class and took of a seat next to Justin. **(Who is Justin? Justin Beeper?) **It ws history and i was happy coz im relly god at histry. **(*snigger*)** The techer was this young guy like the one we hav in math (omg katie that guy is soo hot!) **(Maybe if you spent less time ogling the teachers you might learn how to write!) **"today we are going to lean abot historay. **(Or if your teachers talk like that then I can see why you are the way you are.)** Ok ho can nam one of the grate trainers of 2012? **(I have no idea.) **

Itchy put his han up. "Ruby Masrerball." **(Oh my GOD! I did not see that coming!)**

The tweched smiled at him. "Corrext." **(Very "Corrext.")**

I gasped. They wer taking abot me! **(NO FREAKING WAY!)** "OMFG When di I Get put in the history books? I shouted. **(Just now when you wrote about it.)**

"Its coz ur a talent Ruby." Said katie empathicly. **(Sums it up perfectly) **

Anyway the leson was abot how I bet the league with my teem of legundary pokemon **(When did you do this?)** and then we

All suddenly **(so suddenly that the sentence was cut off halfway.)** teem rocket bust throuh the wall and laffed! Ever1 except me and katie and itachty and ash run away scared. **(Coz ur a talent.)** I got redy to fite them.

Team rocket had the stopid fukkers minighost and minipoeple and foxghost **(Haha!) **and lordseevar **(Oh shit.)** and the oder one. **(Well at least I got my name in there.) **AND DAT BITCH SELEENA GOD I HATE HER! The odders wer scared but not me. I knew what to do.

YOU STUPID FUKERS THINK UR SOOO SMART! I shooted

The fukers looked at me all retarded and loked sacred **(I'm very sacred Ruby.)**

I threw ups some poekballs and they exsloded and caught them! I laffed coz they wer trapped now! **(So I got captured as a Pokemon? What are my powers?) **Everq1 clapped at me except for the fukers that wer trapped coz they were dead!1 **(Why you kill me Ruby? I love you ;)**Then I took all the pokebals and went out to a car cruser and I CRUSHED THEM! **(Perfectly rational…) **Then I took the pices and threw them on fire! HA FLAMERS GOT FLAMED YOU FUKERS! **(Oh you are sooo witty!) ** THEN I GUT THE PIECES AN THEY WERE ALL BEGN ME TO FORGAVE THEM BUT I SAD NNO! **(Way to tell 'em)** I GUT THE PIEVES AN I then wife dienamite and expolde them! **(And murdered them with bad grammar.) **

Then I went to class. **(Because that's logical.)**

The nex one was math and the stupid ugly fukker mr simons was teachn it. **(Ooo whatcha going to do to him?) ** He went and gave us tons of himework. "You guys r a miss **(You missed? Or you're all female?) **and u all fail. If u don't hav that in by tomoro then u will be hav to do a 300 word report." **(That bastard!)** He laughed then stated to rite on the bord.

"That guys a arsehole." Itchay said disfusted. **(You tell 'em.)**

"Ya, some should do somethin abot him." Inquired kaite. **(Katie, being unsure of herself around her psychopath friend always made sure to inquire about any statement.) **

I was angry but then it was tim to go hom. **(I've said it before… WHO IS TIM?)**

AN anye ay I know the spelings not rite **(Then fix it!) **but I havnt got anyone to help me rite now **(Oh what about those countless offers of help?)** so just shut up abot it k. Thats to ma fans for reding. **(You mean your imaginary friends right…)**

**I need a shower…**

**LordSeavar out.**


End file.
